She'd say to me, when I was her baby
Time and time again, Oh my Penny. Oh my Penny
It was like a lament for our looming trouble
Or a fresh bruise we might hit on in a big world
She was my mother and it was her and me
Together, she assured me, we could succeed
And if I was diminutive she was ever so long
She was as long as a carnival and just as fun
Until she grew grey and seemed to age all crazy
So I held her when she came tearing through the garden
All covered in tears; And she called me, even then, Penny.
When she was wearisome or demanding I told myself
To be kind and to treat her as she treated a little girl
And she would call me, even then, Penny.
Love
-
ray miller
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7467
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
Worth the entrance money for these lines
And if I was diminutive she was ever so long
She was as long as a carnival and just as fun
Those are great and the rest is pleasant enough, the way Penny is repeated I felt there might be something in the word that I'm missing.
And if I was diminutive she was ever so long
She was as long as a carnival and just as fun
Those are great and the rest is pleasant enough, the way Penny is repeated I felt there might be something in the word that I'm missing.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I'm with Ray... nice lines.
Seems like a mongrel cross between Mrs Robinson and Penny Lane/Arcade. And Her and Me...like Huh?
An idea only,my friend, so please don't take offense:
THC and TLC or THC and Wishing Wells
She'd say to me, when I was her baby,
time and time again, Oh my Penny.
It was like a lament for our looming trouble
or a fresh bruise one might hit upon in the big world.
She's my mother and, it was her and I
together, she'd assure me we'd succeed.
And if I/it was diminutive, she was ever so long,
she was as long as a carnival and just as fun:
So I held her when she came tearing through the garden
all covered in tears, she'd call me, even then, Penny.
M
PS: schizophrenics are attracted to weed rather than being made as such by smoking it btw
I like the garden bit as 'greening out' is a slang for a THC overdose... tis frightening too (from a personal experience)
Seems like a mongrel cross between Mrs Robinson and Penny Lane/Arcade. And Her and Me...like Huh?
An idea only,my friend, so please don't take offense:
THC and TLC or THC and Wishing Wells
She'd say to me, when I was her baby,
time and time again, Oh my Penny.
It was like a lament for our looming trouble
or a fresh bruise one might hit upon in the big world.
She's my mother and, it was her and I
together, she'd assure me we'd succeed.
And if I/it was diminutive, she was ever so long,
she was as long as a carnival and just as fun:
So I held her when she came tearing through the garden
all covered in tears, she'd call me, even then, Penny.
M
PS: schizophrenics are attracted to weed rather than being made as such by smoking it btw
I like the garden bit as 'greening out' is a slang for a THC overdose... tis frightening too (from a personal experience)
-
Arian
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2718
- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:41 am
- antispam: no
- Location: Hertfordshire, UK
I agree.ray miller wrote:Worth the entrance money for these lines
And if I was diminutive she was ever so long
She was as long as a carnival and just as fun
Those are great and the rest is pleasant enough
Personally, at the risk of sounding pompous, as I know you think I am, I can't help feeling that you could enhance it with more conventional punctuation.And is the title just a bit, er, Big?
Cheers
peter
She was my mother and it was her and me....... this is touching.
I liked her all from my heart. Take yourself to the park I promise
to buy you a coffee there we will feed the swans eh?
Nice piece of work this. Moving me for sure.
I love poets who feel their own agonies it is something honest which
cannot be over looked
My mother died in agony of cancer I done the best I could do. I am sorry.
This is poetry you. I don't really know you that well but I will look forward to hearing from you.......promise me promise you
Enjoy the many brilliant poets here I also like you to
I liked her all from my heart. Take yourself to the park I promise
to buy you a coffee there we will feed the swans eh?
Nice piece of work this. Moving me for sure.
I love poets who feel their own agonies it is something honest which
cannot be over looked
My mother died in agony of cancer I done the best I could do. I am sorry.
This is poetry you. I don't really know you that well but I will look forward to hearing from you.......promise me promise you
Enjoy the many brilliant poets here I also like you to
Many thanks to all for the comments. Peter, me think you pompous? My dear man I never thought about you for one slither of a second. You love your punctuation. Live happily with it while the rest of us go our own way. Oh and Peter love is always a big deal; say didn't you know that? cheers lorraine
-
Arian
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2718
- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:41 am
- antispam: no
- Location: Hertfordshire, UK
Well, that's nice to know. Which means, unless you're bing ironic, you're retracting this, then (scroll down):brahms62 wrote: Peter, me think you pompous? My dear man I never thought about you for one slither of a second.
viewtopic.php?f=20&t=11252&p=85829#p85829
Look forward to more of your work.
peter