Forget-me-knots

[Nicky B]

Afraid to forget
we sink our anchors
into every second
super-saturated
with any emotion.

Grapple hooking moments
when time stops, backs up,
backs into itself.
Condensed, concentrated
with momentary perfection.

Using sinewed threads
we tie these memories
to our fingers and toes,
torso, arms and legs,
and tow them through time.

Their weight causes welts
which meld to callus,
bodies heavy, harden, numb.
Clinging to yesterday,
forgetting today.





Original:
Because all things end

I threw my anchors
into moments shared,
sinking into seconds
super saturated
with seductive intent.

Grapple hooking moments
when time stopped, backed up,
backed into itself,
condensed, concentrated -
securing my moorings.

Using sinewed threads
I tie these memories
to my fingers and toes
and tow them through time.
Their weight causing welts.

Wounds which I treasure
but one day will heal.
And when calluses come
I’ll harden and numb,
and with regret, I'll forget.

[JohnLott]

Hello Nicky B

Followed you all the way down until the forget bit at the end

could anyone forget something so truly deep?

(Rhythm in S3 seemed to stutter)

I felt the emotion - so that bit worked for me



J.

[Nash]

Hello Nicky, this is a strange and piratical one.

I like S2 and S3, especially S3, that's the star of the show for me, very good, great image there.

I find the alliteration in S1 a bit off-putting. I think the idea is for all of the 's' sounds to set the nautical theme with the sounds of the sea? But for me it's a bit much.

I'm not too keen on the rhyming in the last three lines, it makes it seem a bit comical, almost limericky.

Not one of my favourites of yours I'm afraid, but still worth working on. I really do like S3 very much.

Cheers,
Nash.

[Nicky B]

Thanks Nash and John,

Not my best – I agree. I was just sick of it bouncing round in my head so I thought I’d share it and see if that made more sense of it.

The alliteration is a mouthful, and I'm not even sure it makes sense. I'll revisit.

Thanks for the encouragement re: S3 - I’m glad some of the imagery came across.

John – my point is we always forget, we try not to, but we do. We’re left with the scars, but the essence of the moment is forgotten, becomes just another weight to drag along with us. Gosh: I even depress myself sometimes, the next post will be happy, I promise *grin*.

Thanks again both,

Nicky B.

[JohnLott]

Hello Nicky B

In S1 - 1 line; you make a statement that sets the proposition.
S2 (& S3) although you use an anchor in terms of a grappling hook (nothing to do with the sea): You strive to hold on to 'those' moments.
Down to S4 - those monents are a 'weight' around your emotional neck, so to speak. In one way, because life goes on: And you want to move on, they are burdensome.

You suggest forgetting them in S5

The poem, in its sentiment (not necessarily in its words used) is, to me, emotional and good.

Now here's the rub:

I have scars; physical and emotional. I have had comrades die on active service. I know, believe me, that under every 'Scar' is a pain that is never, ever forgotten.

If your 'scars' aren't real, don't declare them. If they are real don't admit your poem isn't the best you've done. Make it the best.



J.

[gavin]

What you have tried to do-------- is give the poem power and strength by using
Anchor-super-saturated----welts;

I can see what you want to say but it did not work because -----the nouns is left nude

Because you must make these abstract objects come alive

Get some emotion into it have the anchor grow flowers

[Nicky B]

Thanks both,

John, you have reached the nub of it. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say. I have an image in my head of a person collecting memories and tying them off all over their body. Good and bad. The good like helium balloons lightening their steps, the bad dragging them down. But all rubbing, all forming callouses, until their entire body is thickened, covered by callouses. Preventing us from having those pure childlike emotions, everything is coloured by what has gone before, we’re numbed. That’s kind of it. The image is clear, the words and meaning less so.

Gavin – you have the most wonderful mind. Nude nouns *grin* . And of course anchors do flower, in time covered with beautiful barnacles, mussels, bryozoans. In the trade we call it bio-fouling. Plants and animals thriving in their own environment equals “Fouling” - don’t you just love scientists?

For now I’ve deleted the last stanza, I have no time but I will come back to this.

Thanks so much,

Nicky B.

[Shi Tong]

Hello Nicky..

I really like the image of the anchor sinking into seconds, and the idea that time condences in such spots, like condensation on the window in the room and not on the other surfaces- the others dont matter so much as those, which is why they only stick on certain surfaces.

Umm.. not sure you get across your ideas in some ways, because according to your last post, you want to show the idea that vivid memories can be both a burden and wonderful at the same time. Vivid because they are either horrible or good. The bad ones are covered over by scars, and as mentioned above by someone else smarter than me, the wound underneath never really heals (so kind of negates the ideas that they will be forgotten).

I think maybe you're talking about the fading or tarnishing of memories which matter- nothing ever stays in crystal clear focus as time passes, good or bad.

Maybe covering bad memories over with scars isn't healthy because we end up covering the good ones up with scars too. Hmm..

Sorry lost my train of thought there. So- I'm wondering if the nautical theme detracts you from your goal, which is to point the reader to this idea that, regardless of what you experience, your memories will fade/ tarnish/ burn/ rot/ decay/ break/ shatter and turn ultimately with the rest of what makes you into dust.

So.. I think there are some lovely images (like the anchor), maybe think about how to get that really good idea of the fading of memories across using some different means... *shrugs* hope that helps, because I'm no expert on poetry!

[gavin]

if i could give you a research grant,

lets marry and have little poets, sit back gray haired, on the bad manners, cheese and bickers,

over looking a river and its wildness, listening to our little poets, while others lament about official death tolls from bad manners;

and i shall take a leadership roll, in making walking sticks for those who are confined to the land of fruit and nut,

you can look after the fish tank; i shall make you a pointer, you can show me the politics growing on your anchor

[Nicky B]

Thanks to Nash, John, Gavin, and Shi Tong, who suffered the earlier version and advised. You really helped to clear my head. It still isn’t quite what I want to say, but is closer.

Gavin, the flower in the title is for you.

[David]

It's a great title now.

[oggiesnr]

Not sure about the first three lines of the last stanza, "meld to callous" means little and weakens the lines around it. Having read the original version I can see what you're trying to say but a reader just coming to the latest version wouldn't have those clues.

Steve

[terriblefish]

The
texture of the language shifted in all the right places tò keep me engaged, good ictus.

Really enjoyed this, Nicky B ! Cheers.

tf

[ray miller]

I liked the original last verse - when callouses come I'll harden and numb. In the revised version I like the opening verse most - except I'd change it round a bit

Afraid to forget
we sink our anchors
into each super-
saturated second
of emotion.

[David]

Nicky, I think what's bothering me about this - which in many ways I like - is the shape-changing anchors. They start off as anchors in S1, have become grappling irons in S2, then we're tying them to our toes in S3 (and towing them through time) and in S4 they're causing welts which "meld to callous", and I'm not even sure what that means.

These are load-bearing anchors, aren't they? They work hard for their living. I'm impressed by the way you use them to link each stanza, but I think that in doing that you've confused the reader. Or, at least, you've confused me, which (from my point of view) is the same thing.

Is that helpful at all?

I really like

Condensed, concentrated
with momentary perfection.

Cheers

David

[JohnLott]

......and in S4 they're causing welts which "meld to callous", and I'm not even sure what that means.......

Cheers

David

If you have ever thrown out an anchor and dragged the boat to it, you know how hard on the hand the rope/chain is. It hurts and you get callouses.

Blisters eventually turn to hard skin.

That's the way I have interpreted that, although I would not have used the term 'meld'; that term I believe is coined to merge melt and weld. What I am talking about is strain, and pain from friction.

J.

[David]

......and in S4 they're causing welts which "meld to callous", and I'm not even sure what that means.......

Cheers

David

If you have ever thrown out an anchor and dragged the boat to it, you know how hard on the hand the rope/chain is. It hurts and you get callouses.

Oh. Calluses. I never thought of that. To "meld to callus" is something completely different, although I'm still not keen on "meld".

Spelling, Nicky. And John. It's very improtant.

Cheers

David

[Nicky B]

Meld = mend or heal, which I quite liked but clearly no-one else does. Ah well.

David – thanks for pulling me on the spelling, you’re right very improtant.
Callous – thick skinned; Callus – hard skin: Curious, huh? Anyone know the derivation?

John – thanks for all your input. You seem to really understand what I’m trying to say which is hugely encouraging and helpful.

Terrible fish – glad you enjoyed. I had to look ictus up – always learning!

Ogg – thanks for input. You’re right, I need to merge the two I think. I’ve a very long journey tonight (literally, not metaphorically!!) and hope to make some sense of it then.

Ray – thanks for your comment, always welcomed, I am going to play with this and will take your revisions on board.

David (again) – Like John you’ve reached the root of this which is that I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say, hence the confusion. I have lots of different ideas for this (good memories like helium balloons on a child’s wrist, lightening our load, but still rubbing, numbing), and I know I need to boot some out and focus it.

I don’t even really know what I think. Is forgetting good? Or bad? Should we try and remember? Or does this take us out of the “now”. How important is now, as opposed to the past or the future. Once I get the answer to this sorted it will be a great poem I’m sure *grin*. I’m going to do the meaning of life next……

[ray miller]

David – thanks for pulling me on the spelling, you’re right very improtant.
Callous – thick skinned; Callus – hard skin: Curious, huh? Anyone know the derivation?

Funny that, 'cause Callous/Callus is actually a misspelling of Callas, as in Maria Callas, the hardest opera singer that ever lived according to those in the know. It's said she could turn a baritone to a soprano just by raising an eyebrow. Which is how opera got its eyebrow reputation, as a matter of fact.Anything else?

[Nicky B]

Are you sure you want to be comparing somone that hard to a nobbley bit of yellowed skin?

Which is how opera got its eyebrow reputation

eh?

[ray miller]

I'm making no comparisons, I'm just explaining the etymology of callousness.
OK. Highbrow reputation?
I'm wasted here, I really am, but then I'm wasted everywhere else too. Cheap alcohol is to blame.

[Nicky B]

Clunk, clunk, ahhhh.

Oh to be wasted anywhere on a glorious day like today - do you fancy a drink? Just the one?

I'd still be watching your back for that Callas woman, 34 years dead, but it takes more than that to stop a woman (s)corned......

[JohnLott]

Hi Nicky B,

Callous/Callus: Looking at dictionary, encyclopedia, and Chiropodists' journals the two seem to interchange - as well as a second meaning for callous of emotionally hardened. The important thing is the intention of describing hard and thickened, overworked areas of skin. On the other hand callous also allows you to introduce the homonym as well; and for me, it enhances that scene.

I think Meld was pinched by melt/weld previously. (probably by Doc Martins - and then urbanised)

I personally would look at the word 'grappling' and whether it fits better than, say 'grappled'

Re-write for me gives a firmer picture that is believable.



J.

[Raincoat]

i haven't been around for a while due to remoteness and lack of internet access but I read this a couple of days ago, I think I've missed out on the whole editing process, but Ithought this was an exceptional piece of writing. the rhythm is beautiful to read.

I liked this:

Using sinewed threads
we tie these memories
to our fingers and toes,

"callus" made this. I don't know why