Left hanging
Low-lying areas
are still frost-slippery
and like icicles
that stretch in increments
to touch the ground,
you edge slowly down
each wet layer solidifying
a whispered "fuck you"
under my breath
under my roof
under my eaves
under my
where you'll never reach.
Below.
.
Left hanging
[s]Low lying[/s] Low-lying areas
The only problem is that you end up with two hyphens possibly too close to each other:
Low-lying areas
are still frost-slippery
***
under my roof
under my eaves
under my (This might benefit from an ellipsis.)
For example:
under my roof
under my eaves
under my . . .
where you'll never reach.
Finally, I'm not understanding the hyphen sticking out of "solidifying-".
The only problem is that you end up with two hyphens possibly too close to each other:
Low-lying areas
are still frost-slippery
***
under my roof
under my eaves
under my (This might benefit from an ellipsis.)
For example:
under my roof
under my eaves
under my . . .
where you'll never reach.
Finally, I'm not understanding the hyphen sticking out of "solidifying-".
There's only one rule in street and bar fights: maximum violence, instantly. (Martin Amis, "Money")
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onlyifonly
- Productive Poster
- Posts: 70
- Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2011 8:19 pm
- Location: By the River
- Contact:
I know when I like a poem because I read it and read it and it never gets less interesting. I am not sure I would change anything. I am sure there are more experienced people on the forum that will have helpful hints. But I just like it so careful how you change it :->
Starting down road to knowledge leads to a view of reality that is bleaker than the warm comfort blanket of ignorance. A road we take with no route back. Where there was something, there is nothing.
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RichardSanders
- Prolific Poster
- Posts: 466
- Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 3:23 pm
Nice poem.
I'm just not entirely sure about the title.
The narator obviously is not the one left hanging.
I would sooner name it " leave you hanging" or perhaps "rejecting" or maybe a bit more playfull "out of reach"
Just something to think about. Perhaps others disagree.
Kindest,
Richard.
I'm just not entirely sure about the title.
The narator obviously is not the one left hanging.
I would sooner name it " leave you hanging" or perhaps "rejecting" or maybe a bit more playfull "out of reach"
Just something to think about. Perhaps others disagree.
Kindest,
Richard.
RichardSanders wrote:Nice poem.
I'm just not entirely sure about the title.
The narator obviously is not the one left hanging.
I would sooner name it " leave you hanging" or perhaps "rejecting" or maybe a bit more playfull "out of reach"
Just something to think about. Perhaps others disagree.
Kindest,
Richard.
Like the idea "out of reach"