You

[RichardSanders]

You are
like
glass roses
blooming.

[Deryn]

Wow, that's short a sweet Richard ! 6 words, and one of them is repeated from the title.

Now what do I see ? Okay, glass flowers blooming. Now that would be impossible. So,

You are
bloody
impossible!

Let's see any other comments before you come back and enlighten us at to what you had in mind when you wrote those words.

Deryn

[RichardSanders]

Hi Deryn,

Well, you understood one property.
Maybe if you think about all the properties of glass roses, you'll figure out why I wrote this about someone in my life.
If it's too short to warrent your time, well... Please don't burn me for trying a little experiment.
After all, some say poetry is about saying more with less.

Kindest
Richard

[Antcliff]

Hi
Enjoyed it. Open to many an interpretation.

Here is one...it is very unlikely, but a remarkable thing, if a glass flower blooms...so great delight at surprise blooming.

Or, a glass bloom would be long lasting, not losing the bloom....so a long lasting bloom.

Or..
Cheers,
Ant.

[RichardSanders]

Hi Ant,

This is starting to get real interesting.
Yes, the ability to delight and to surprise me are also character traits of the person I had in mind, though I had not made the conscious connection to my own words in that particular way.
Apparently the words are more fitting than I had hoped.
I was thinking of the more direct and physical properties of glass roses.
But before I shed further light on them, I'll wait to see what associations others make.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Kindest,
Richard.

[Tim Love]

I like the image (it's been used before - there's some analysis online already), but after all the meaning's been wrung from it, the question remains: is it publishable as is, or is it just a good basis for a poem/story? Any good poem or story might have several metaphors like this, that could be extracted and broken into such short lines that the obedient reader probes for extra meanings. Here are some candidates

• "while an old dandelion unpicks her shawl" (Alice Oswald)
• "the stars are holes in the jam-jar so we don't suffocate" (Miceál Kearney)
• "The passion-fruit resembles coloured bruises rolled into a ball you can suck" (Selima Hill)

(actually, one of these is a complete poem - a page in a book - but I don't think it should be)

[RichardSanders]

Hi Tim,

Thanks for your feedback.
I see your point but... Does everything I write need to be publishable?
As I stated before, this was an experiment and I don't for one minute believe I'm anywhere near good enough to get published anyway.
This is after all a workshop and the beginners section at that.
But in general, should a poets goal be to get published or should a poet write for the sake of creating (if succesfull something of beauty)?

Maybe I'm too much of a romantic but, I don't write to get published. I write because I feel inspired and have a need to give a voice to my creative impulses.

Kindest,
Richard

[Tim Love]

"Publishable" wasn't really the right word. What I meant was that writing a nice line and calling it a poem seems a bit unambitious to me (though, as I pointed out, some famous poets do it). Puffing it up with lots of line-breaks just raises my suspicions. Why not just wait for a poem to grow around the line? What's the rush? Perhaps you could aim for something like this, or this.

[RichardSanders]

Hi Tim,

No hard feelings but neither example is what I aimed for. I aimed to describe the characteristics of someone I know in as few words as possible. These six words were it. It will not grow.

I didn't check google to see if it was used before, since I don't care if it has. Has all meaning been wrung from it? Should I check google with everything I write to see if a metaphore has been used before? I don't think so. If we do that, no one will ever write anything again. Everything has been said or written before hasn't it?
so I write what comes from me. And if I consider glass roses blooming:

Beautiful, youthful, fragile, delicate, sharp, thorny, transparent, clear, radiant in sunshine, dangerous to touch, mesmerizing to look at but impossible to bed, and impossibly alive without ever disrupting that beauty.
In other words: highly attractive and desirable and almost hypnotic but also completely impossible and if you give in to your desire, detrimental to your health. Full of beautiful contradictions.

I think, saying all this about someone in six words... Can that be called unambitious?
Who says a poem has to have a minimal number of words anyway?

sorry if I'm too arguementative but, this is how I feel.
No hard feelings though.

Kindest
Richard.

[Lake]

You are
like
glass roses
blooming.

Hi Richard,

My instinctive reaction to the image "glass roses" is negative - it is for display only, though beautiful outside, hollow inside. And easy to be broken. But the word "blooming" gives it a twist, shows some kind of admiration.

Just my thought.

Lake

[Tim Love]

That's fine by me. Go for it. On Love is a Glass Rose it says "I couldn't help but draw a parallel between these stunning and yet fragile glass roses and our relationships with each other. Both are so beautiful when intact and healthy and yet both can so easily be broken by a simple mistake. Our love for each other is a glass rose" which might be as true for Ona as for you, though Ona's rose=relationship while your roses=You. And yours bloom too. In my case though, expressing myself concisely is only part of the trouble. If a poem of mine fails to communicate to others (I don't think yours fails), then it may only be a note to myself, valuable though it may be. Another problem is that if I come up with (say) "My love is like a red, red rose" or "A rose is a rose is a rose" only to find it's been done before, then it's a failed poem as far as I'm concerned, however neatly expressed, because of its unintended intertextuality. Short poems are more prone to this. I can't ignore other poems/poets because alert readers won't.

[Deryn]

'If it's too short to warrent your time, well... Please don't burn me for trying a little experiment.'

Hi Richard, well I didn't say it was 'too short' to warrant my time now did I ? It evidently wasn't too short to warrant my time because I took the time to read it a few times and then took the time to post. And I wouldn't burn anyone 'for trying a little experiment.'

Describing someone in six words is a good exercise, well done.

Deryn

[Antcliff]

As Deryn says..good exercise surely. Just the thing for a Writer's Workshop (as it says on the tin).
Ant

[RichardSanders]

@Tim: I understand your reasoning and it's valid of course. Thanks for your input. I'll keep it in mind next time I write something that is very similar to something that's already been done.

@Deryn: you're right ofcourse.

@Ant: thanks for the support

[Arian]

Richard, are you sure this isn't the poet's equivalent of a soccer player's dive - a deliberate, but ultimately transparent, attempt to fool the referee?

Sounds like it to me. I'd say that, pretty much, any six words, chosen at random to form a coherent sentence (or even thought), could take shelter under your "argument" for being a poem.

If others go for it, great - you're on a winner. Me? I think...well, I've probably made my point.

I'm not trying to be unpleasant. I think your stuff, in general, shows good promise and is very enjoyable. But we all make mistakes. And if there's going to be any merit whatever in posting on a forum like this, it's that you get honest feedback.

Build on it, or put it behind you, is my (probably worthless) advice.

Cheers
peter

[RichardSanders]

Hi Peter,

I'm not taking a dive. As I've stated In my first response, this was an experiment. I stand by my opinion that six words can be poetic. If the majority feels it's insufficient to be called a poem, fine. I'll remember that.
I have my own interpretation of glass roses and I stand by my six words.
If it's no poem, then so be it. I'm not trying to fool anyone.
Each is entitled to their own opinion and so am I. And words chosen at random are quite different from a deliberate attempt to describe someone.

Yes honest feedback is the strenght of this forum though sometimes preconceptions of the rules of contemporary poetry do prevail over the appreciation of poetry's beauty.
I don't always have to agree with the feedback do I?
This time I don't agree with the premisse that six words can't constitute a poem. But that doesn't mean I won't take what I've learned from this, and keep it in mind for future works.
I do work with the feedback and am ready to put this one behind me, but I consider it bad manners to let any feedback stand without at least a response, whether in agreement or not.

If anyone feels I've wasted their time, then I'm sorry to say, I'm not sorry for that, because this HAS been a usefull excercise for me and the feedback was educational. If that's egoistical, then for that, I do apologize.

Thank you all for your thoughts and feedback.
Obviously these six words will not hold up as a poem to anyone but myself.
This in itself is a valuable lesson.

Kindest,
Richard.

[Arian]

I don't always have to agree with the feedback do I?

You certainly don't Richard. Indeed, you'd be a fool to do so.

And you didn't waste my time. I was glad to give it, for what it's worth. But a dishonest opinion is worse than useless, so I stick to (polite, whenever I can) honesty.

Cheers
peter

[RichardSanders]

I don't always have to agree with the feedback do I?

You certainly don't Richard. Indeed, you'd be a fool to do so.

And you didn't waste my time. I was glad to give it, for what it's worth. But a dishonest opinion is worse than useless, so I stick to (polite, whenever I can) honesty.

Cheers
peter

Please do Peter. It's always sincerely appreciated.

Kindest,
Richard.

[Thoth]

It’s an old weary argument. What constitutes a poem? Six words are enough provided they convey the message the writer intends. The problem arises with interpretation and to whom the piece is targeted. Some poetry is deliberately selective while most writers aspire to appeal to a larger sector. Few can achieve a universal appeal. If you write purely for recreation and don’t care what others will say, why post your work on a public forum, let alone a forum for critique? Conversely, if you seek constructive advice and wish to learn at least how others view your poetry then why argue the point of view.

Arguments aside, if you need to explain your poem then it has failed (for that particular reader at any rate) Everyone reacts differently to symbols unless the poet can steer them the way he wants and that sadly is something lacking in a six worder. It comprises a single thought, a statement – even khu poetry invokes three interlocking thoughts that combine to create an epiphany.

Lets examine the “poem” itself:

“You are like glass roses blooming.”

Firstly, there is a conflict of singular subject and plural simile so it may be better to say:

“You are like bunch of glass roses blooming.”

Or

“You are like a glass rose blooming.”

Better still would be to replace the simile with a more direct metaphore;

“You are a glass rose blooming.”

Since a glass rose is manufactured to appear as if it were blooming otherwise it would be called a glass bud, the qualifier “Blooming” is technically redundant.

“You are a glass rose ” says the same thing actually.

Given that you may intend the artificial rose to be coming to life like Pinocchio then “Blooming” is not the ideal qualifier.

Despite the embedded symbolism, it remains an unfulfilled statement, the piece of a puzzle that deserves a home somewhere, where it can contribute more to the greater scheme of things.

[RichardSanders]

Points taken, logged and filed.
Ready to move on and let this experiment be done with.
Thanks for all your insights. Really, sincerely, thanks. It was very educational for me.

Kindest,
Richard.