Absurd Puppet
Everybody was happy for you when you signed
You gave the record company you soul and mind
In the hope your dreams would materalise
So do another interview and sing a bunch of lies
You were told they would make you a star
But its like you’re watching it from afar
Is this how you imagined it to be?
Escape from your old life, but you’re still not free
You are just an absurd puppet
Pushed forward by the faces behind
Absurd puppet
With a boardroom for puppeteers
Make another record with songs they suggest
Not one note of opposition was expressed
the money keeps piling up in their bank account
but soon your records will all be sold at discount
You are just an absurd puppet
Pushed forward by the faces behind
Absurd puppet
With a boardroom for puppeteers
You are just an absurd puppet
Pushed forward by the faces behind
Absurd puppet
With a boardroom for puppeteers
You were told if that if you don’t make any trouble
They’ll protect you inside their corporate bubble
But your album only reached number sixty two
And that might just be the end of you.
Pushed back into the life you tried to escape
But they’ll milk the re-issue, and a greatest hits takes shape
Making money off of your name, it doesn’t seem right
But you are now a stranger over night.
Absurd Puppet
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Ros
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Hi nevnev,
If you want people to comment on your work you're going to have to join the community: respond to the comments on your previous post, and read and comment on others' work.
Ros
If you want people to comment on your work you're going to have to join the community: respond to the comments on your previous post, and read and comment on others' work.
Ros
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk
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Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk
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Arian
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Hello nevnev
This is really more of a song lyric than a poem, with it's simplistic, chanting couplets broken by a refrain of sorts.
Anyway, there are one or two sharp lines, in my view, though the subject has been covered by others - most notably in Pink Floyd's Have a Cigar. Nothing wrong with that, though.
More generally, if you're going to use couplets, for either poems or song, you probably need to tighten up the rhythm, which is OK at times, but often all over the place.
And you might want to pay more attention to the literals (punctuation, spelling) - details count very much in how a poem is perceived.
Oh, and it's a good idea to heed Ros!
Cheers
peter
This is really more of a song lyric than a poem, with it's simplistic, chanting couplets broken by a refrain of sorts.
Anyway, there are one or two sharp lines, in my view, though the subject has been covered by others - most notably in Pink Floyd's Have a Cigar. Nothing wrong with that, though.
More generally, if you're going to use couplets, for either poems or song, you probably need to tighten up the rhythm, which is OK at times, but often all over the place.
And you might want to pay more attention to the literals (punctuation, spelling) - details count very much in how a poem is perceived.
Oh, and it's a good idea to heed Ros!
Cheers
peter
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EatMyPoetry
- Posts: 27
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 7:51 pm
This is clearly more of a song than a poem but an enjoyable read none-the-less.
The rhyming seems to start off very tight and simple but loses it's way in the middle, mainly due to the 'chorus' which I'm sure would work well in song form.
All in all I liked the subject, the simplicity and crispness of the language though maybe needs a bit of tidying up to make the final stanzas as tight as the first ones.
The rhyming seems to start off very tight and simple but loses it's way in the middle, mainly due to the 'chorus' which I'm sure would work well in song form.
All in all I liked the subject, the simplicity and crispness of the language though maybe needs a bit of tidying up to make the final stanzas as tight as the first ones.