Stars

[RichardSanders]

The stars speak 
in embedded meaning, lost
in the jitter and jive
of a million channels attuned at once.

A booted foot touches
the surface of a moon.
A first human scar
in finest dust unable to float.

A radio crackles softly
as a few words in space,
silences millions
and the stars hold their breath.

"Where do they come from
and how far will they go,
with their small steps
and giant leaps."


(in memory of Neil Armstrong, a Hero to all mankind)

[KevJ]

Enjoyed this too Richard. This is more considered than my take I think. You've given it more thought. I watched the moon landing as a five year old boy (Armstrong set foot on the moon on my birthday) even at that tender age I new something special was taking place. Armstrong will always be a hero to me.

[RichardSanders]

Thanks Kev.

Not so much more considered as just looked at from a different angle pehaps?

[Rushing Jay Hunter]

Liked this very much, 'silences millions' stood out for me, gentle, considered feel to this

[Arian]

Hi Richard

This sequence is very good:

A booted foot touches
the surface of a moon.
A first human scar
in finest dust unable to float.

Though I personally think it woud be even stronger without the last line. More emphatic. Thus


A booted foot touches
the surface of a moon:
A first human scar.

Cheers
peter

[RichardSanders]

Hi Peter,

Peter said:
This sequence is very good:

A booted foot touches
the surface of a moon.
A first human scar
in finest dust unable to float.

Though I personally think it would be even stronger without the last line. More emphatic. Thus


A booted foot touches
the surface of a moon:
A first human scar.

You give me food for thought, as usual.
That line was meant to convey the sense of the alien airless environment but I do see your point.
I'll ponder it a while.
Maybe I can improve it without losing that aspect.

The funny thing is; this poem really began in my head with the astonishingly late realization that moon-dust doesn't float (because the moon has no atmosphere).
I first envisioned the boot touching down and dust floating up from beneath it due to the displacement of air, an image that would fit the event in a desert on earth, only to realize this image was entirely incorrect.
It's always hard to give up that first word or sentence with which a poem starts to form, isn't it.


Richard.

[Arian]

Fair point, Richard. Perhaps just losing 'finest' would help. It's not crucial to your point, and it drags out the rhythm unnecessarily.

Cheers
peter

[David]

I like the first verse very much, Richard - "jitter and jive" especially. I don't think the rest is quite up to that standard - which is pretty high - but it's a fine tribute.

Cheers

David

[Macavity]

hi Richard,
Star gazing! A different perspective that freshened a familiar moment. Liked the way the focus shifted from large to small,
from many to singular, re-emphasizing the small/giant. Nicely threaded.

enjoyed

mac

[RichardSanders]

Thank you everyone.
You have given me a lot to consider with your many different perspectives.

cheers,
Richard

[lo-lee-ta]

This is great, especially the second verse. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing

[Deryn]

I was one of the millions who was silenced by this event.

This is a lovely and fitting tribute to a great man.

I really like the thought of the stars holding their breath wondering just what we are going to do next. The event has consequences across the whole of the universe and your poem reflects this beautifully.

Deryn