Evolution.

[Deryn]

‘I’m an ape now Mrs Thomas,
They say so on TV.’

‘An ape Mr Lewis!
Now how could that be?’

‘It’s something to do,
With my brain and my genes.’

‘More likely one of your
Drink induced dreams.’

‘No straight up Mrs Thomas,
It was on the BBC.
Blimey, me a gorilla,
You a chimpanzee!’

‘Now see here Mr Lewis,
If you please.
When did you last
See me climbing trees?’

‘Fair enough Mrs Thomas,
You got me there.
And as far as I know,
You’re not covered in hair.’

‘Cheeky monkey Mr Lewis.’

Deryn

[Tim Love]

I can't really see this going anywhere.

[KevJ]

Well I quite enjoyed this. Made me smile.

[Antcliff]

Hi,
A gentle tale...and rhyming.
And I have to like rhyming "bbc" and "chimpanzee".

seth

[Deryn]

Hi and thanks for the comments.

I write a lot of 'heavy' stuff, so I had only 3 things in mind when I wrote this. Firstly, to keep it lighthearted. Second, to make it rhyme. And thirdly, to raise a smile with the final line. If I've achieved that then that's the only place I want it to go.

Deryn

[ray miller]

It reminded me of an old-fashioned comedy sketch, the kind that would have eventually evolved into the Two Ronnies or suchlike.

[John G]

It definitely has an old music hall, cheeky chappy quality to it.

[Deryn]

Hi all, I've just returned to this and looked at the views again and was wondering if you guys thought there was room for this type of rhyme in the Poets Grave Workshop?

I feel comfortable writing this kind of verse, what would you call it? comic verse? I don't know!

For instance:

MOON ROCK?

My pal Brian showed me a
Small grey rock,
Told me it came from
The moon!
Says he won it
In a scientific comic,
For designing
A space age balloon!

It had to be able
To withstand the pressure
And mind numbing
Cold in space.
‘It’s a pebble Brian!’,
I knew he was lying,
I could tell by the smirk
On his face.

Is verse like this up to critique? Or would you guys just class it as a simple rhyme, nursery rhyme almost?

Deryn

[Ros]

Hi Deryn,

We haven't got anything against light verse in general, but my opinion is that for serious crit it would need to be trying to do what all poems here aim to do - play with language, use music and rhythm in a thoughtful way, use metaphor, say something interesting. It's almost harder to write verse like the one above - strict rhyming is hard without letting the rhyme scheme dictate the choice of words.

For me, Moon Rock isn't really saying anything very interesting and the words chosen are pretty ordinary. But by all means give it a go if you want, and we'll do our best to make helpful suggestions.

Ros

[Deryn]

Hi Ros, and thanks very much for the 'kind' reply.

I think I tried earlier on the forum to 'play' with language. But I just don't have enough knowledge about language to use it and take it anywhere. One excuse I make is that after the age of 11 I really hit the slippery slope as far as learning is concerned. Almost every bit of knowledge I have about language was learned and digested before that age. So 'metaphor' and such words are things I have to look up and try to understand and remember. When I read poetry I realize just how much I don't know about language what other people take for granted. You only have to look at the effort above to see my limited language.

I do understand what you say about strict rhyming. It is easy to just use words that fit rather than using rhymes that carry on the meaning of the verse.

I do enjoy reading poetry and I do enjoy writing poetry. But not sure what to do next?

Deryn

[Ros]

The best thing you can do is read lots of poetry, but it can be hard finding who you like. You could try the library or second-hand shops for an anthology or two - Emergency Kit by Jo Shapcott and somebody is good, so are the Bloodaxe (publisher) ones Staying Alive, Being Human etc. So is Modern Women Poets, ed Deryn Rees-Jones.

Or you can look on the internet - try Billy Collins or Ted Kooser, both very good at what they do and very easy to read, or for more 'personal' poetry try Sharon Olds.

Writing Poems by Peter Sansom is good advice if you want something a bit more serious. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Writing-Poems-B ... =pd_cp_b_2

Or maybe pick a poem or two here that have been workshopped, with revisions, and see why the revised version works better, think how you might have done it.

Have a look in the poetry exercises section here and try a few.

Does that help at all?

Ros

[Deryn]

Hi Ros and thanks again.

I'm aware this is a 'Post a Poem' part of the forum so sorry for this intrusion.

I have read mainly English translations of my local welsh poets, the greats, RS Thomas, TH Parry Williams, R Williams Parry. These I like very much and I can say they 'speak' to me in a poetic language I can relate to. My attempts at writing poetry usually reflects their language and style, and the landscape I live in, and so consequently not too original!

Then other poets I read from Wales or with Welsh connections, Alun Lewis, Edward Thomas, Wilfred Owen, Gwyneth Lewis, Gillian Clarke. Most of this reading relies on English translations.

Most recently I have been reading the poetry of Emily Dickinson. A lot of it speaks to me on first reading. Some I have to read a couple of times. And some, well, I could read a hundred times and still be bewildered!

A pattern developing here maybe? OLD!

I do try reading modern poetry. Free form just passes me by like a wind rush! (I've just ordered a book by Tony Curtis that looks at reading contemporary poetry that might or might not help me.) An anthology as you suggest might be a good idea. Tons of poetry available on the internet.

Stephen Fry's 'Ode...' is the book I look at for the technical side of writing poetry which is pretty helpful.

I will attempt a poem that plays a bit more with language, post it and get some feedback.

Thanks again Ros.

Deryn

[Ros]

Sounds like you're well on the way with that lot! And Gillian Clarke can't be called old! Isn't there a magazine for Welsh poetry? That might be worth seeking out. Landscape poetry is perfectly fine, of course - you could check out some Scottish work too.

Ros

[Deryn]

Hi Ros, there are a couple of excellent magazines BUT, a lot of the poems are free form.

And yes you are right, Gillian and Gwyneth can't be called old!

Thanks Ros.

Deryn