A pitied glance of gilded oak,
leaf blown am I,
cool and flapping amongst
dovecote stars.
The wind sighs up and I with it,
alone, brown and hopeless.
A broken bird with useless wings,
unfettered from my wooden cage,
rustling I sing.
Just a ditty...
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- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2083
- Joined: Wed Feb 01, 2006 2:42 am
- Location: East of Eden
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
I really like this poem especially
Tha imagery is imaginative.cool and flapping amongst
dovecote stars.
I find this lovely to read out loud. I like it.
I enjoyed the mix of sad desolation '... brown and hopeless. A broken bird with useless wings,' with more hopeful imagery, 'unfettered ... rustling I sing'.
It gives me a sense of possibilities.
I enjoyed the mix of sad desolation '... brown and hopeless. A broken bird with useless wings,' with more hopeful imagery, 'unfettered ... rustling I sing'.
It gives me a sense of possibilities.
- Celticwych
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 10:18 am
- Location: Cornwall
Hi Julia,
I love the imagery here, "The wind sighs up and I with it,
alone, brown and hopeless."
I feel the sense of futility but then rising to hopefullness in the last line.
Lovely,
Celtic Wych
I love the imagery here, "The wind sighs up and I with it,
alone, brown and hopeless."
I feel the sense of futility but then rising to hopefullness in the last line.
Lovely,
Celtic Wych
I liked this poem.
With the "dovecote stars" which is a nice image, would "grey" (a pidgeon/dove) work better than brown? It has emotional connotations that fit with "alone and hopeless", whereas brown doesn't.
That's my only criticism and maybe it's just something I've missed.
Some good imagery and a very softly, smoothly spoken poem!
With the "dovecote stars" which is a nice image, would "grey" (a pidgeon/dove) work better than brown? It has emotional connotations that fit with "alone and hopeless", whereas brown doesn't.
That's my only criticism and maybe it's just something I've missed.
Some good imagery and a very softly, smoothly spoken poem!