Where are you rushing to?
and what possesses you
to suddenly jump up onto your sensible shoe'd feet
before the bus has actually lurched to a stop,
cigarette behind your ear
match-stick between your teeth
as if you’re the fairground gypsy
who nonchalantly rides the Speedway and the Waltzers
non handed, collecting the fare
combing his hair
and checking out my girl.
Old ladies on buses
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Ros
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Bit thrown by the (I think) change of gender in the middle! Old ladies chew matchsticks round your way? I like both personifications but not sure they fit together too well (unless the old lady was also checking out your girlfriend...)
Ros
Ros
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk
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Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk
I rather like the way Where are you rushing to? kicks off a poem that seems to come out all in a rush itself. It's quite breathless, and fun. I know what Ros means about the change of gender, but I think it kind of works, in an unexpected way. I suppose sensible shoe'd feet is a bit of a cliché, but I enjoyed the read.
Cheers
David
Cheers
David
Hello Ros,
haha yes! there does seem to be quite a few Les Dawson'esque' types in my neck of the woods, Loveable old dears really though, despite the moustaches and prison tattoos!
Glad you liked the personifications Ros, and many thanks for taking a look.
Hello David,
so glad you enjoyed the read and found it fun. It was meant as a little therapy from another piece I am really struggling with, and I also found it fun to write. I liked the way you picked up on the how it felt like it was in a great rush to get somewhere, and reminded me a little of those people who look like they have just been shoved out of a door, and are in a continual forward falling haste.
Cheers David,
many thanks
Robbie.
haha yes! there does seem to be quite a few Les Dawson'esque' types in my neck of the woods, Loveable old dears really though, despite the moustaches and prison tattoos!
Glad you liked the personifications Ros, and many thanks for taking a look.
Hello David,
so glad you enjoyed the read and found it fun. It was meant as a little therapy from another piece I am really struggling with, and I also found it fun to write. I liked the way you picked up on the how it felt like it was in a great rush to get somewhere, and reminded me a little of those people who look like they have just been shoved out of a door, and are in a continual forward falling haste.
Cheers David,
many thanks
Robbie.
Hello Len, and thanks for taking a look.
There was a fair called 'Tubbys' which used to visit our town every year, and one of the gypsies in particular who rode the speedway most definitely had a cool Marlon Brando 'On the Waterfront' kind of presence.
Cheers
Robbie.
There was a fair called 'Tubbys' which used to visit our town every year, and one of the gypsies in particular who rode the speedway most definitely had a cool Marlon Brando 'On the Waterfront' kind of presence.
Cheers
Robbie.
Hi, I like little observational pieces like this.
I can certainly relate to jumping off buses before they stop as it was very common when 'I was a lad' as we had old double-decker buses with the entrance/exit at the back. Of course tried it myself a couple of times.
Is it the old ladies witnessing the event?
Deryn
I can certainly relate to jumping off buses before they stop as it was very common when 'I was a lad' as we had old double-decker buses with the entrance/exit at the back. Of course tried it myself a couple of times.
Is it the old ladies witnessing the event?
Deryn
Hello Mac.
I was hoping to suggest that the old ladies were so close to becoming the fairground gypsy with their bus riding antics, that you could almost imagine the matchstick between their dentures and the cigarette tucked behind their blue rinse and hearing aids, but I guess it wasn't such the clever twist I probably tried a little too hard to make it.
Thanks for your comments,
always appreciated
Robbie.
Hello Deryn.
I really enjoy the observational pieces too, and stumbled across Roger Mcgough whilst trying to read the work of as wide a variety of authors as possible. You should take a look Deryn, if you havn't already, 'Let Me Die A Young Mans Death' is a great introduction.
Cheers
Robbie.
I was hoping to suggest that the old ladies were so close to becoming the fairground gypsy with their bus riding antics, that you could almost imagine the matchstick between their dentures and the cigarette tucked behind their blue rinse and hearing aids, but I guess it wasn't such the clever twist I probably tried a little too hard to make it.
Thanks for your comments,
always appreciated
Robbie.
Hello Deryn.
I really enjoy the observational pieces too, and stumbled across Roger Mcgough whilst trying to read the work of as wide a variety of authors as possible. You should take a look Deryn, if you havn't already, 'Let Me Die A Young Mans Death' is a great introduction.
Cheers
Robbie.
Hi Robbie, I'm trying to read as many poets as I can too as I'm a bit of a beginner.
Roger McGough? I have 4 books of his next to my bed in my reading pile! (secondhand from Amazon) I like his work a lot, and as a poet he is quite an interesting person.
Look forward to your next poem.
Deryn
Roger McGough? I have 4 books of his next to my bed in my reading pile! (secondhand from Amazon) I like his work a lot, and as a poet he is quite an interesting person.
Look forward to your next poem.
Deryn
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twoleftfeet
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Hi, Robbie.champion wrote: Hello David,
so glad you enjoyed the read and found it fun. It was meant as a little therapy from another piece I am really struggling with, and I also found it fun to write. I liked the way you picked up on the how it felt like it was in a great rush to get somewhere, and reminded me a little of those people who look like they have just been shoved out of a door, and are in a continual forward falling haste.
Cheers David,
many thanks
Robbie.
Just a couple of points.
While I enjoyed the poem I honestly found it hard to imagine the old woman you are describing as real, especially as she
is wearing sensible footwear (as opposed to Doc Martens). You must live in a tough area!
OTOH I recognised the fairground gypsy character immediately.
I think your poem might include an old lady staggering forward in the way that you described to David
(preferably an ordinary old dear, but that's up to you).
Perhaps you could catch her before she falls?
The last line is perfect, btw
Geoff
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?
Hello Geoff.
''Doc Martens' .. without doubt, absolute classics!
If ever there was footwear that deserved a poem in their own right, it has to be Doc Martens, so thanks for planting that little seed Geoff, and thanks also for the suggestion of including another verse about possibly catching the 'old dear' as she stumbles, I like the thought of that.
I am really glad that the gypsy character worked for you, and sincerely appreciate the kind words about the last line.
Many thanks
Robbie.
''Doc Martens' .. without doubt, absolute classics!
If ever there was footwear that deserved a poem in their own right, it has to be Doc Martens, so thanks for planting that little seed Geoff, and thanks also for the suggestion of including another verse about possibly catching the 'old dear' as she stumbles, I like the thought of that.
I am really glad that the gypsy character worked for you, and sincerely appreciate the kind words about the last line.
Many thanks
Robbie.