Mirror.

[Deryn]

When did I first suspect,
What caused me to reflect,
Perhaps signs of neglect
In your appearance?

Personality change,
Comments that now - sound strange,
Avoiding eye exchange
Deflecting glances.

Vocal repetition.
Vocal repetition,
Lack of...

...concentration,
Obsessive fixation,
With the neighbors next door!

A look that sighs ‘goodbye’.
My strangled muted cry,
Rarely reflections lie,
They beg acceptance.

Deryn

[Macavity]

hi Deryn,
At first I was imagining the voice of a mirror, which was interesting in a folktale way, but then I settled into an address of a person to what they see in the mirror.

Vocal repetition.
Vocal repetition

I like that little play and there is a lot of sound repetition that you've structured the poem on. Personally I thought it more skilful to have used the sounds of deflecting/reflections in a natural, less clustered way.

A look that sighs ‘goodbye’.

I think that was my fav. line

all the best
mac

[champion]

Hello Deryn.
I quite liked my own interpretation of 'Mirror', and for me that is something I find attractive in a poem. Sometimes if a piece is so blatant and leaves no room for reflection, I tend not to return to it, which I am sure would not be the effect the author would have hoped for, but I have read your piece a few times now, and found it quite pleasing.

I enjoyed the sound when reading this out aloud Deryn, and as Mac has already commented, thought the
Vocal repetition.
Vocal repetition,
play on words was a clever touch.

I really enjoy a line that uses similar sounding words to add a subtle suggestion, so also found your line '
A look that sighs ‘goodbye’ a cracking little line.

Finally,
Rarely reflections lie,
They beg acceptance
I thought, was quite a nicely put observation I could not agree with more.

Nice post Deryn, enjoyed.
Robbie.

[Deryn]

Thanks guys, much appreciated comments.

I wonder what you guys think about titles when it comes to poetry? I originally had this poem titled 'Losing you.' Basically someone looking in the mirror and finally accepting by his appearance that something was wrong,'perhaps signs of neglect/in your appearance.' The onset of alzheimers perhaps?

Do you think the title colours ones reading of a poem?

Deryn

[Antcliff]

Hi Deryn,

I thought there were some nice touches in this, such as -

Vocal repetition.
Vocal repetition,
Lack of...

...concentration

and a nice ending:

Rarely reflections lie,
They beg acceptance.

Seth
p.s. yeh, the titles do colour a reading. Poems can have an entirely different meaning depending on the title. Just like pictures in a gallery. I quite often give pictures in a gallery a different title, to see them in a different way.

[Yesterday]

Hi Deryn,
Please forgive me for anything that might seem a bit redundant, I haven't really been here for a while.
My understanding of this poem was initially that the person being address had Autism, but on second reading I'm leaning towards Alzheimer's, although I could be completely wrong.

When did I first suspect,
What caused me to reflect, - I'm not sure grammatically, but I feel this needs a semi colon. I could very well be wrong though. Its just that I read
Perhaps signs of neglect this line as a question, in which case, doesn't it need a comma? Not sure, it could just be my mis-reading.
In your appearance?

Personality change,
Comments that now - sound strange,
Avoiding eye exchange
Deflecting glances.

Vocal repetition.
Vocal repetition,
Lack of...

...concentration,
Obsessive fixation,
With the neighbors next door! - Just not sure if this needs an exclamation mark. It doesn't sound like an exclamation when I read it.

A look that sighs ‘goodbye’.
My strangled muted cry, - a comma between strangled, muted (?)
Rarely reflections lie, - I really liked these last two lines, very clever observation.
They beg acceptance.