Hate

[KevJ]

Revision

Another senseless death;
the blood on your hands.

Don't you know
hate begets hate
and fuels the fire in
the belly of the bigot.

If God is great
it's because he has
an infinite capacity
to forgive.

Original

Another senseless death;
the blood on your hands.

Don't you know
hate begets hate
and fuels the fire in
the belly of the bigot.

If God is great
it's because he has
an infinite capacity
to love; not loath!

Your actions have
broken hearts and
closed minds.
It's nothing to be proud of

[Macavity]

Agreed Kev, nothing to be proud of, to lose a life for. More poison poured into the divide.

mac

[LoveMinusZero]

A simple, straight-forward poem. From my interpretation of it, this poem's directed at religious institutions, and has a message I can really appreciate. Thanks for the read .

[KevJ]

Thanks for commenting guys. Much appreciated.

[EatMyPoetry]

A very good piece. Very simple yet powerful. Summed up for me by the phrase "belly of the bigot" - basic alliteration done very well.

The only bit that disappointed me was the final line. After a poem so well moulded together, this seems a bit of a cliched line that is sat all on its own, adrift from the rest of the poem. I think maybe it is a case of you being a victim of your own success - I was enlightened so much by the rest of the poem that the end just seemed to be a level below.

[KevJ]

A very good piece. Very simple yet powerful. Summed up for me by the phrase "belly of the bigot" - basic alliteration done very well.

The only bit that disappointed me was the final line. After a poem so well moulded together, this seems a bit of a cliched line that is sat all on its own, adrift from the rest of the poem. I think maybe it is a case of you being a victim of your own success - I was enlightened so much by the rest of the poem that the end just seemed to be a level below.

Hi EMP and thanks for commenting. I think you are quite right that last line is a bit lame. Will put my thinking cap on and post a revision if I come up with anything better.

[oranggunung]

Hi Kev

This is a small, direct piece, but possibly loses impact because of its start and finish.

Another senseless death;
the blood on your hands.

I think the second line is a little too clipped at the moment.

How about something like:

there’s blood on your hands.

or

blood is on your hands.

???


Regarding the ending, I wonder if you can finish a little earlier, with something like

If God is great
it's because he has
an infinite capacity
to forgive.


When hate begets hate, there are no simple answers.


cheers

og

[Antcliff]

Hi Kev,
just adding that I really liked the forceful pairing of begets/bigot.

Seth

[Paula]

A strong impacting piece..thankyou for sharing.

Loving the hate may be the only way out of these holes...people dig for themselves...

[KevJ]

Thank you all for your comments. Very much appreciated.

Thanks OG for your ideas. I will give them some thought. The ending in particular gives me some concern as I think now that it's rather weak so thanks for your thoughts.