gallows in my garden

[LunarTree]

A poem i wrote a while back that i found and updated, let me know what you think

The gallows in my garden
stare at me all day
they sing a song that makes me think
is this my last day
tomorrow is not here yet
but the voices have not gone
do i do what they tell me
and sing their last song

[Jackie]

It's interesting to me that something in your garden could stare at you all day; the idea would be that you spend a lot of time there?

I feel like I need a little more information to know what this is about. I am especially mystified by

do i do what they tell me
and sing their last song

. Did you mean to write though I do ? And does their refer to gallows? I have always thought of gallows as a singular noun.

Jackie

[David Smedley]

The gallows in my garden
stare at me all day
they sing a song that makes me think
is this my last day
tomorrow is not here yet
but the voices have not gone
do i do what they tell me
and sing their last song

I assume the voices are telling you to commit hari-kari (so to speak) if so I think you have overdone this poem and diluted its power. You could prune for a shorter poem and still get the clarity without the padding. I.E line 4 in its entirety, and elsewhere.

I have a slight issue with continuity, if the gallows sing a song, I assume it is the voices that are doing the actual singing,
if that is the case line 5 jars because obviously the voices cannot have gone, they are singing,(hope that makes sense)
seeya.......D

[LunarTree]

Thank you for reading this poem
To clarify the gallows are a set of swings that the poet stares at while thinking about his / her life and if it is something they want to continue with (IE suicide) the song that the gallows sing is definitely sung in the poets but refers to the thoughts of suicide. I think i may need to add and trim certain pieces to properly convey what i am trying to get across. Thank you both for your suggestion i will see what i can do and post up a rework later

Thank You again much appreciated

[Cliff]

The gallows in my garden
stare at me all day
they sing a song that makes me think
is this my last day
tomorrow is not here yet
but the voices have not gone
do i do what they tell me
and sing their last song

Hello LunarTree ... I'm new to the board, reading and enjoying!

I really like the idea of this little piece, the swing as the gallows bringing to (my) mind the swing-thoughts about life and death. The poem itself drew me in and I just had to read and read again attempting to understand - but I did find it a little difficult. As Jackie mentioned, I too regard gallows as a singular noun and found that to be very confusing upon first couple of reads; and honestly didn't get the connection that the gallows was actually the swing. While the poem seems to now convey, to me at any rate, imagery and meaning - it was really only after reading your comments at the end of this thread that I actually started to understand. I have more of an appreciation of the piece now, and wonder if you would consider something along these lines ... I chose the title because I think it serves to define the gallows and also because I think that thoughts of suicide and such are generally swing thoughts - if that makes any sense. Anyway just something for you to consider and maybe stimulate thoughts for your next edit.

The Pensive Swing

The gallows in my garden sways and
stares at me all day,
it sings a pensive song and makes me wonder:
Is this my dying day?

Tomorrow is not yet here,
but the voice continues on.
Do I hear and do what it suggests
and sing my final song?

Thoughts?

~ Cliff