Ride of a Lifetime
At twenty past that fatal hour
The lovers, hand on hand, were mute.
Unconscious in the vacuumed air
At over thirty thousand feet.
So sitting side by side in space
Began their ride to ground's embrace.
dafra
Ride of a Lifetime
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Antcliff
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 6599
- Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:35 am
- Location: At the end of stanza 3
Especially enjoyed the sound aspect of this, Dafra. Especially the last dark line. Nice use of the "r"s there! 
And of course the five "s" (plus similar "c") fourth line. I look forward to reading more since it seems likely that you have an interest in the sound aspect of poetry.
Seth
And of course the five "s" (plus similar "c") fourth line. I look forward to reading more since it seems likely that you have an interest in the sound aspect of poetry.Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
This sent a chill through me. It's the thought of plummeting earthward from 30,000 ft I think. I can visualise myself in this predicament all too easily. I'm not a good flyer 
Kev
Kev
I am not a number ... I am a FREE man!
'Morning Dafra,
I go along with Seth on this one. The alliteration works well, the succession of sibilants adds to the idea of whistling through the attenuated air. Vacuum'd jarred with me though, it gave me the thought of the air being hoovered rather than deadly thin. Agood piece, liked the metre and the rhyming.
Regards, C.
I go along with Seth on this one. The alliteration works well, the succession of sibilants adds to the idea of whistling through the attenuated air. Vacuum'd jarred with me though, it gave me the thought of the air being hoovered rather than deadly thin. Agood piece, liked the metre and the rhyming.
Regards, C.
Hi cynwulf
I'm sorry vacuumed jarred for you but it was the right word. I was thinking of the cabin pressure being instantly sucked (or Hoovered if you wish) out of the fractured cabin. I actually had the image of a Wilson cloud chamber in mind. It also has the advantage of a slight alliteration with the c of unconscious. Thinning is rtoo soft sounding and I don't think works as well.
Anyway thank you for reading and acknowledging the rushing wind sounds.
d
I'm sorry vacuumed jarred for you but it was the right word. I was thinking of the cabin pressure being instantly sucked (or Hoovered if you wish) out of the fractured cabin. I actually had the image of a Wilson cloud chamber in mind. It also has the advantage of a slight alliteration with the c of unconscious. Thinning is rtoo soft sounding and I don't think works as well.
Anyway thank you for reading and acknowledging the rushing wind sounds.
d