Jihadi John

[KevJ]

Revision 1

Is there a requiem for a broken land,
that lies dead and bleeding in the sand.

The perversion of Islam you preach
puts hearts and minds out of reach.

Conversion at the point of a gun,
has the Yazidis on the run.

So please tell me, Jihadi John,
where has your humanity gone?

it's empathy you seem to lack.
Are you a psychopath in black?

How many infidels will you decapitate
to bring about your Khalifate?

Original

Is there a requiem for a broken land
that lies dead and bleeding in the sand

This perversion of Islam you preach
puts hearts and minds out of reach

Conversion at the point of a gun
has the Christians on the run

And tell me, Jihadi John,
where has your humanity gone?

it's empathy you seem to lack
Are you a psychopath in black?

How many heads will you decapitate
to bring about your Khalifate?

[cynwulf]

G'day Kev,
you're a brave man to take on this topic, and I applaud your intent. I like the use of crisp couplets a la Harrison to get your messsage over, but rhythm stumbles a bit to give a staccato effect at times

Is there a requiem for a broken land
that lies dead and bleeding in the sand

This perversion of Islam you preach ...doesn't seem to scan to my ear
puts hearts and minds out of reach

Conversion at the point of a gun.......yezidis might be a better example as they have no history of persecuting others, unlike us Xtians, and rhythm out
has the Christians on the run...........or a more general term eg' non- Sunnis',' unbelievers'....

And tell me, Jihadi John,
where has your humanity gone?....scansion again

it's empathy you seem to lack
Are you a psychopath in black?

How many heads will you decapitate....I dont think you can decapitate a head, line needs recasting
to bring about your Khalifate?..........rhetorical question? or his obvious reply wd be 'as many as it takes'.

well worth a bit of twiddling.
regards,C.
Top

[KevJ]

Hi Cynwulf

Have now started the twiddling process. Thanks for your observations.
Yes Yezidis would be better I think or perhaps infidel. Will think on it.

Sorting out the scansion issues might be a bit more tricky I think. I now see I was concentrating on the rhymes to the detriment of the rhythm.

Kev

[Macavity]

Topical, political and direct Kev. My advice is to make it longer, a challenge I know, but I feel the 'anger' at present is truncated and bottled in the rhyme. More points to cover? The export of Brits to be at the forefront of the brutality!

all the best

mac

[KevJ]

Hi Mac

Making it longer would be a challenge for me but I will give it some thought. This is still very much a work in progress. I'm still not sure I'm communicating exactly what I want to say. especially in stanza 2 where it's the hate that's being preached that I think is unIslamic. Gosh this poetry lark is hard

Kev

[Macavity]

it's the hate that's being preached that I think is unIslamic.

That comes across...

A viewpoint on the 'Jihadi :

http://www.newstatesman.com/religion/20 ... calisation

[KevJ]

Hi Kamy

Thank you for your thoughts on this one they are much appreciated. It's especially helpful to me to have a Muslim perspective on this. and I thank you for your positive comments.

Thank you also for the explanation on the word Jihadi. Like so many here in Britain my only knowledge of the word comes from its use in the media. I can see that I should delve more deeply into this subject. I still consider this a work in progress at the moment and may post a further revision shortly.

Kev

[Ros]

I think if you're going to have punctuation towards the ending, you need it in the first 3 verses too.
Ros.

[KevJ]

I think if you're going to have punctuation towards the ending, you need it in the first 3 verses too.
Ros.

Thanks Ros punctuation has always been a bit of a sticky point for me.

Kev

[jpgallagher]

Hi Kev,

Thanks for posting this, I liked it. It asks a lot of important questions and questions which I'm sure a lot of people are asking themselves in the current climate. Though the topic of extremist conversion is a complex one, I wonder if there's any room to consider the former 'humanity' in his life which was rejected - peers, family, school teachers? Their potential impact in his conversion (fictional or otherwise) would be interesting to hear.

JPG