After lunch

[lemony]

After a lunch of two poached eggs on toast
and a cup of tea
I catch your eye.

You sigh,
you say that
you don't want to talk about it,
that you don't want to upset me,
and you turn away
and say,
'are you planting those herbs today?'

And I lift my hands to my face
and say,
'I may'.

And you think this doesn't upset me?

[barrie]

I have a book of verse, the title of which could be used to describe your poem - multum in parvo - much in little.

It says a lot in a few words and has a sort of innocence about it. I'm not too sure about the last line - maybe something strong and subtle (just my taste).

nice one

Barrie

[juliadebeauvoir]

I realy liked this alot-I have a similiar 'conversation' poem that I haven't posted yet. I like the dynamics, the unsaid words inbetween the lines. Nice sketch of the relationship between two people over the ordinary backdrop of daily life.

Cheers,
Kimberly

[mick]

Really enjoying your work Lemony. Been in one or two relationships like that......and it is JUST like that. You seem to be able to encapture half of life in a teacup. I must say though, that I agree with Barrie about the last line, but I think it would be better without it all together. Anyone with a heart has to love it.

[lemony]

Barrie, Julia and Mick - thank you all for your comments, I am learning some good stuff by looking at my own work through the eyes of others, so it is appreciated.

I posted this poem only minutes after writing it, and I think perhaps I should have left it for a couple of days - or longer - and gone back to look at it again - because now - the more I read this one, the less I like that last line, and I agree Mick - it is better without it.


After a lunch of two poached eggs on toast
and a cup of tea
I catch your eye.

You sigh,
you say that
you don't want to talk about it,
that you don't want to upset me,
and you turn away
and say,
'are you planting those herbs today?'

And I lift my hands to my face
and say,
'I may'.

[lifeguard_sleeping]

I love the imagery, I imagine an average middle-aged couple in an average house, the sun shining, I imagine the sweater the man is wearing, the whole "Englishness" of it is spot on.

Also, I'm impressed by the contrast between the almost Alan Partridge-like (sorry for not being literary) mundanity of the first line, and the strong, bitter passion of the last line. Also, for some reason, I love this:"And I lift my hands to my face" - can't really say why, I think it's just a good image at the right time.

This poem reminds me of something Larkin could have written.

[anniecat]

Hi realy good and so true to life in general, i've never been out of hum drum, anyone out there know what it's like? vg AC.

(unusual herb varietys often grow un noticed in gardens, can come in handy) haha.

[ilookalikeadragon]

i enjoyed ur poem alot, for it is extremely true, like annie cat said. It leaves alot of room for imgination. keep on writing ..... ilookalikeadragon