For W.W. (revised)

[Macavity]

gone to publ land

[Lackadaisical]

I absolutely love it. Its simplicity is its strength. The sight portrayed really fills up the mind with thoughts of ambiguity which really adds to the theme. The more I read it the less I am able to perceive the flaws (if there's any). The last sonnet is the strongest part of the poem.

[Macavity]

Thank you kindly Froot and welcome to the forum!

all the best

mac

[elotrooso]

Hey, Mac.

Noticed there aren't a lot of responses yet on this one.

Wanted to let you know I have twice lost my responses to this piece. Not sure what I've been doing wrong and not sure if I'll get to a third.

How annoying.

el

[Macavity]

Hey, Mac.

Noticed there aren't a lot of responses yet on this one.

Wanted to let you know I have twice lost my responses to this piece. Not sure what I've been doing wrong and not sure if I'll get to a third.

How annoying.

el

Sorry to hear that el. Thank you for trying. I believe Ray has had similar issues. For insurance I use control and c keys just before I hit the submit button.

all the best

mac

[Antcliff]

Those roaming clouds
which seek my breath...

"seek" feels a bit archaic here? But maybe that is intentional in this WW context? Am I right in reading this poem as deliberately playing with an older mode of expression?

These cradled clouds
within both hands
like moths I nest
another sorrow;
why are they here
so far below,
beyond this rest
where will they go?

Not sure I fully understand this stanza....N is wondering where the clouds go? Is it the hands or the clouds that are like moths?


Seth

[Macavity]

Seth what brings you to read such miserable stuff?

seek" feels a bit archaic here? But maybe that is intentional in this WW context? Am I right in reading this poem as deliberately playing with an older mode of expression?

I think it is all creaking a bit to be honest...teach me to venture into rhyme!

Is it the hands or the clouds that are like moths?

Shuffled those lines for, hopefully, some coherence...

all the best

mac

[KevJ]

Lovely piece this Mac. Think the repetition of clouds works well. Great opening lines. In fact the whole of stanza 1 is beautiful.

All the best Kev

[Macavity]

Cheers kev. There was a surge of rhyme on beginners so I thought I'd have a go

all the best

mac

[David]

Wow. I think this sounds lovely. (Apart from "a blind sorrow" - rhythmically, that's really jarring). The sense of it never really cohered for me, it all statyed a bit vague and vapourish, but that's clouds, right?

The iambic thump - two in every line (apart from that little shocker quoted above) - is immensely appealing.

Cheers

David

[Macavity]

little shocker

That's a carefully placed substitution to break up the iambic thump Duly edited The poem's a depressing poem about depression and a response to Wordsworth's cloudy poem and bliss of solitude.

all the best

mac