I learned too late
Boulder Dam in Colorado
is where demons plot
and rock, bolts, cement
do their bidding.
I was warned at age 13
Caution, Danger, No Trespassing
but massive turbines in its belly
churned out gigawatts of power
enthralled me.
Reinforced concrete filled the gap
between the mountains in the steep gorge
that narrowed at the bottom
where sluice gates controlled
release of water
to frustrated fish who had
for millennia traveled upstream
to play, cavort, and spawn, where now
waters piled higher forcing
bottom swimmers farther away from light of sun
top swimmers farther from gravel beds below.
A boulder sits squarely suffocating me
some 40 years later demons having drilled
deeply anchoring rebar to my core.
Fish turn belly-up in the lake bleaching white
rotting on the shoreline in stinking decay
as waters pile when sluice gates close
at the bottom of the gorge
in the spot where two smooth white mountains
converge and the wetness
should give life breath.
(no title yet)
-
Lackadaisical
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2014 8:39 am
Hey Steven,
On the fifth stanza the lines "a boulder sits.... rebar to my core" we're a bit confusing to me. Either way, you did a really nice job conveying the emotions you must have felt when you saw all of this and the hope that the refilling of the gorge gave you. Have a nice Christmas!
On the fifth stanza the lines "a boulder sits.... rebar to my core" we're a bit confusing to me. Either way, you did a really nice job conveying the emotions you must have felt when you saw all of this and the hope that the refilling of the gorge gave you. Have a nice Christmas!
Last edited by Lackadaisical on Fri Dec 19, 2014 1:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
Antcliff
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 6599
- Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:35 am
- Location: At the end of stanza 3
Hi Steve,
Interesting. I liked the earlier parts, the descripton of the scene.
But I found I did not know what was happening towards the end, here..
Interesting. I liked the earlier parts, the descripton of the scene.
But I found I did not know what was happening towards the end, here..
SethA boulder sits squarely suffocating me
some 40 years later demons having drilled
deeply anchoring rebar to my core.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
-
Suzanne
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 4902
- Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:46 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Land of the Midnight Sun
Stever,
We are not really sure what you are being warned to stay away from.
From the write, I get the feeling you are seeing this clearly in your mind, but for the reader, you have left some connection out.
The idea of demons, while interesting, doesn't make anything clearer but introduces an active party of hooligans but no clear mission or motive. To make damns and drill holes? why?
The wonderful and difficult thing about a poem is that it should stand alone on the page without any real need for explanation. This does not mean that it needs convey the exact same message to every reader. There is a lot of room for interpretation, but the poem should be as "complete" in its imagery as it can be.
It is more important for the reader that the poem have A message, than the poem have the exact message the poet intended.
You are saying something here that seems strongly felt but we are not sure what you are telling us.
I look forward to your Christmas time rewrite.
Suzanne
We are not really sure what you are being warned to stay away from.
From the write, I get the feeling you are seeing this clearly in your mind, but for the reader, you have left some connection out.
The idea of demons, while interesting, doesn't make anything clearer but introduces an active party of hooligans but no clear mission or motive. To make damns and drill holes? why?
The wonderful and difficult thing about a poem is that it should stand alone on the page without any real need for explanation. This does not mean that it needs convey the exact same message to every reader. There is a lot of room for interpretation, but the poem should be as "complete" in its imagery as it can be.
It is more important for the reader that the poem have A message, than the poem have the exact message the poet intended.
You are saying something here that seems strongly felt but we are not sure what you are telling us.
I look forward to your Christmas time rewrite.
Suzanne