You reeka

[Firebird]

Version two

When Archimedes had paprika,
he'd fart and burp all day,
and every time scream eureka!
Then fan the stench away.


Original

When Archimedes had paprika,
he'd fart and burp all day,
and every time he'd scream eureka!
Then waft the stench away.

[JJWilliamson]

An interesting fart poem, Tristan. Feels unfinished to me.

Metrically perfect, if I elide 'every'.

Best

JJ

When Archimedes had paprika,
he'd fart and burp all day,
and every time he'd scream eureka!
Then waft the stench away.

[Pauline]

It was a blast

[justforkix]

When Archimedes had paprika,
he'd fart and burp all day,
and every time he'd scream eureka!
Then waft the stench away.

fits the meter if you do away with the "he'd"
I'm not sure as to how he would 'waft the stench' - surely the stench would waft on its own?
Perhaps you mean 'Til the stench would waft away'?

[Firebird]

Hi JJ, a little unfinished it maybe.

Hi Pauline, really glad you like it! 'A blast' is an appropriate description.

Hi justforkix, many thanks for your advice. Very useful! I've made some changes based on what you said.

Cheers,

Tristan

[coleridge10]

an interesting aesthetic