a love poem

[ton321]

The wild arrangement
of blossom on the bough-
is loves grief,
when I look at you.

[Lou]

Nice, but I would have thought it was the brevity of the blossom rather than its arrangement on the tree that inspires love's grief.

Best,
Lou

[Firebird]

I like it, but prefer it without the final two lines. The image and the title say/do enough for me. Maybe just call it 'Love'.

Cheers,

Tristan

[JJWilliamson]

Really like the poem and the comments made thus far.

Of course, love isn't always short-lived and is often scatty, sometimes
without rhyme or reason, but it can be brief as it morphs or intensifies
into something new. Here's a thought:

Love

The wild arrangement
of fading blossom
on the cherry tree.

You need an apostrophe in 'Love's'. The possessive form.

Enjoyed this very much for its brevity and pleasing images.

Best

JJ

[Luce]

ton321 - I'm not feeling this one at all friend. I can't reconcile the image of the "wild arrangement of blossom"(s) with grief of any kind. My immediate feelings with this image is that of beauty, happiness, reflection. In a way you're telling the reader how to look at the blossoms ("is love's grief) rather than showing it.

BTW you definitely need the apostrophe for love (as others have pointed out). I also think you need to make blossom plural.

Luce

The wild arrangement
of blossom on the bough-
is loves grief,
when I look at you.

[Crayon]

The wild arrangement
of blossom on the bough-
is loves grief,
when I look at you.

HAIKUFY IT!

the brief delight
of blossom on a black bough -
without you to view

[Macavity]

I like it, but prefer it without the final two lines. The image and the title say/do enough for me. Maybe just call it 'Love'.

Cheers,

Tristan

Agree with Tristan.

best

mac

[ton321]

Thanks for the replies everyone.
Tony

[Sheila]

The scattered blossoms remind me of tears. The wild arrangement adds to this image, as tears have no order, and fall randomly. I like the idea of this