Apology [Warning: Contains Domestic Violence]

[RobertFlorey]

......................Apology

I never take you anyplace for where
could I go where I'd trust you for the space
of time you'd need to please yourself, without
my jealousy intruding on your teasing boys
so flagrantly that I would have to strap
you down when we got home, you twitching bitch,
and punish you against the wall and hear
you cry your "sorry" song, I'd rather you would die.

But I didn't really mean it. I'm sorry that I did it;
I'll never do a thing like that again. I said that I
was sorry, ain't that good enough now, Marie?
I swear to anything thing you want, I'll be a
good boy now.

I will control my temper. I will act with great restraint.
Just have dinner on the table, and exactly how I like it;
then I'll never have to push you up against the paint
on the wall that bears the stains of your previous mistakes.
I'll be forever sweet and kind to you, you little skanky
slut.

But I really didn't mean it. Just because you were obscene
with every bagger boy in the grocery store, my love,
doesn't prove that you were flirting, but you really will
be hurting if I find you in a bed with any Ralph or Ted
or Harvey, you'll be feeding blow-fly larvae when you're dead.
Bitch!

Please don't provoke me, don't tickle and poke me with
your low cut blouses that show off your tits, it thrusts me
out of my wits and I just can't control how I feel—
Because I love you, yes; I really love you and, I appeal
to the angel inside you, take me back, and we'll have fun.
Hey!

Put down that gun!

[minim]

A difficult and emotive theme handled well.

It reflects perfectly the ebb and flow of this type of relationship.

I like the use of short snappy vowels "twitching bitch" which gives the feeling of violence, and the barely controlled contriteness.

The ending is a nice twist.

Thank you xxx

[Jester]

Robert

Yes, I think we've all heard of guys like this....scarey slimeballs - no doubt the do-gooders would blame their mothers.

I felt some of the rhyme seemed a bit forced in places, even though it wasn't arranged to meter - eg. "restraint and paint". Having said that the poem as a whole works well to convey the nastiness of this kind of character.

Good one.

Mick

[kozmikdave]

Gidday Robert

Yeah, this works pretty well for me. It races along and the lack of punctuation in much of it allows some bleed-over (don't know a technical term for it) between sentences. Puzzling and clever. I liked the schizophrenic feel to the character as well. It seems like you got inside his head pretty well.

Nice ending!

Cheers
Dave