Dead brown leaves fall down
So quietly to the ground
The trees die slowly...
Haiku
Welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy it here.
Please read the forum rules - You are required to do at least two crits per poem posted.
The Haiku train is not for posting comments in - You are supposed to take the last line of the previous haiku and use it as the first line of the next. Hence haiku train. Just a bit of fun.
cheers
Barrie
Please read the forum rules - You are required to do at least two crits per poem posted.
The Haiku train is not for posting comments in - You are supposed to take the last line of the previous haiku and use it as the first line of the next. Hence haiku train. Just a bit of fun.
cheers
Barrie
I had a problem with 'lush'. You could describe green summer foliage as lush, but not dead leaves.
'fall down quietly' is a little over-used, try and use something more original.
'The trees die slowly' - I take it that this is in contrast to the leaves - I like it.
I messed around with it and came up with this, probably not what you were aiming for - butr I enjoyed doing it.
Brittle leaves drift down.
Snow-silent autumn ground
waits for trees to die.
cheers
Barrie
'fall down quietly' is a little over-used, try and use something more original.
'The trees die slowly' - I take it that this is in contrast to the leaves - I like it.
I messed around with it and came up with this, probably not what you were aiming for - butr I enjoyed doing it.
Brittle leaves drift down.
Snow-silent autumn ground
waits for trees to die.
cheers
Barrie
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Shepherdess
- Productive Poster
- Posts: 61
- Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2006 5:10 pm
- Location: Leicestershire UK
Welcome and a good start
Thank you
karen
Thank you
karen
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kozmikdave
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2185
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 9:36 am
- Location: Brisbane, Australia
Gidday
...subtle...
Cheers
DAve
...subtle...
Cheers
DAve