Doggy-Dog World

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Unique
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 12:01 am
Location: Wandering the corridors of my mind..

Fri Aug 18, 2006 4:18 pm

I wrote this yesterday morning after finding out one of the puppys my fathers dog had given birth to a few days ago had died, because the pallet in it's mouth was split and it couldn't eat. Thats the feedback for the poem... Be gentle..

Doggy-Dog World
To the pup,
Who could not feed.
This poem wrote,
Its words do heed.

The top of its mouth,
Had gotten deformed.
It could not eat,
The reason for our mourn.

A short life lived,
Of merciless strew.
It stayed quite small,
While its siblings grew.

Four paws, two ears,
A cold black nose.
‘Looked a healthy puppy;
Who could’ve known?

It stayed on this earth,
For only a few days.
And then the life.
Faded from it’s face.

So we give a toast,
Of pure wine.
For this poor pup,
Who was spared of life.

Just as that pups,
Life can be unfair.
Short, Bleak, Quiet;
‘Can wreak of murky air.

Live life to the fullest,
Shine like a pearl.
You don’t know when it will end;
‘Cause it’s a doggy-dog world.
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barrie
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 6069
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Fri Aug 18, 2006 4:33 pm

Just to remind you of the forum rules - You are required to write two crits on the poems of other posters for each poem of your own - this is how the forum works. You have offered one crit to date and this is your second poem. Please catch up with your critiques before posting any more poems.

Thanks

Barrie

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