Question Song
One, two, three, four,
there is someone at the door.
A, B, C, D,
who can it be? Who can it be?
The sun is bright, the sky is blue,
it might be you; it might be you.
The sun is hid, the sky is dim,
it might be him; it might be him.
And as I stand here listening –
what does he bring? What does he bring?
Question Song
Five, six, seven, eight,
Here is someone at the gate!
E, F, G, H,
Word-Bird with a bag of datesch!
Sun and sky are blue and bright;
yes indeed, be me, it might!
Sun and sky are hid and dim;
might it be a seraphim?
Let us listen as we stand –
he has brought a marching band!
(^v^)
We enjoyed the poem very much, John. Might you submit it to The Dirigible Balloon?
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Here is someone at the gate!
E, F, G, H,
Word-Bird with a bag of datesch!
Sun and sky are blue and bright;
yes indeed, be me, it might!
Sun and sky are hid and dim;
might it be a seraphim?
Let us listen as we stand –
he has brought a marching band!
(^v^)
We enjoyed the poem very much, John. Might you submit it to The Dirigible Balloon?
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
-
CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3096
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
The poem is humorous, of course, but I don't think it is making much of a point.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
It's a children's poem? Good grief. You would terrify children with this. It seems incredibly sinister to me (which may be why I quite like it). You must be aware of those overtones here?
What does he bring? It looks very much like an axe to me.
Cheers
David
What does he bring? It looks very much like an axe to me.
Cheers
David
Hmm! Well, David, I think youre right. Children are very good at picking up on emotional overtones, and the shift from you to him, from clear to troubled skies, the repeated question at the end make for menace, though I'd not consciously seen it. Interestingly, The Dirigible Balloon turned this one down in favor of two others. I imagine Jonathan is a better children's reader than I am! Why I'm not generally very good at childnre's verse.
Glad you like it, though - I think it works per se, it's just a lot less harmless than I'd thought.
Cheers,
John
Glad you like it, though - I think it works per se, it's just a lot less harmless than I'd thought.
Cheers,
John
You're welcome, John. I'm sorry it wasn't accepted; perhaps it just needed to be more specific here and there. I found it exciting, but then, I'm excitable, not a bad way to be
It reminded me of 'One Two, Buckle My Shoe', or 'Chuckle with Coo', as Alek suggested earlier (^v^)Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Greetings, Fliss and W.-B.!
Yes, it's very much a counting song. I too am an excitavble sort, and I find it lively; however, I think David has a point that a child might well find it ominous, and that is another possible reason Jonathan went for the other two. I am just happy ot be published in TDB!
Cheerie,
John
Yes, it's very much a counting song. I too am an excitavble sort, and I find it lively; however, I think David has a point that a child might well find it ominous, and that is another possible reason Jonathan went for the other two. I am just happy ot be published in TDB!
Cheerie,
John
Greetings, John!
Hooray for excitability!
The bros and I were probably raised more sternly than a lot of children, slapped about, thrown into swimming pools, put to work early, etc. I remember a teacher being quite shocked when I mentioned being slapped at home! For me, it was normal, of course. All good fun with Mr & Mrs T
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Hooray for excitability!
The bros and I were probably raised more sternly than a lot of children, slapped about, thrown into swimming pools, put to work early, etc. I remember a teacher being quite shocked when I mentioned being slapped at home! For me, it was normal, of course. All good fun with Mr & Mrs T
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Ah! Well, I expect there are many styles of parenting. You seem to have turned out pretty well-adjusted, so that is always nice! I for my part have done my best, but it was rather a physical childhood, let's say. 
Cheerie,
John
Cheerie,
John
