Rain Dance
In Athabaskan, writes Mary TallMountain,
there’s no word for goodbye. The reader’s eye
lifts from the page a moment: we have all
said our goodbyes, but not in Athabaskan,
where language does not recognize the way
departures can be final. What they say
is See you. See you, you who leave the village,
who leave the world. See you, that cheek we touched –
those eyes we knew. See you, the tongue that spoke
in Athabaskan, up where Canada
folds into ice. See you, the hand that wrote,
that stirred the pot, that touched the arm. The life
we lead is full of parting. Where I sit,
you won’t hear Athabaskan. You can say
Tłaa, as one might, but you won’t find an ear
to comprehend your speech. There is a story
of how the day the rain dance stops, then all
the world will see. For how will that rain fall?
Some questions can’t be answered with the words
we ask them with. A week or two ago,
the last code talker left us, and a man
might say Tłaa. See you, talker. See you, all
the proud, the many. We’ll not say farewell.
Rain Dance
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CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3096
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
I like the poem, especially the first half. For a moment I found myself getting a bit misty. The second half feels more like meandering to me, especially towards the end. It almost sounds like you have two poems here mixed into one.
That was my initial impression, actually, after encountering the word Tłaa, which you didn't define. But now it seems that Tłaa is the actual word for "see you". Of course, you don't tell us how to pronounce it. Still, the poem needs tightening up, in my opinion.
I'll continue to read it. Maybe my comprehension is the problem.
That was my initial impression, actually, after encountering the word Tłaa, which you didn't define. But now it seems that Tłaa is the actual word for "see you". Of course, you don't tell us how to pronounce it. Still, the poem needs tightening up, in my opinion.
I'll continue to read it. Maybe my comprehension is the problem.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
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ray miller
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7482
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
Enjoyed the read. What is a code talker? I often say see ya myself, with the implication that we'll meet again. Is that what is meant in Athabaskan?
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Hi Ray,
Navajo code talkers were used in the Pacific Theater during WW II because their language was a code the Japanese could not (or did not) break. There were orders for them not to be captured alive. The last code talker died a couple of years ago, when I wrote this poem.
Yup, Athabaskan uses See ya to mean we will see each other again. It doesn't recognize partings as potentially final.
Oh - this is the last poem in my To Our Alien Overlords MS.
Glad you enjoyed this!
Cheers,
John
Navajo code talkers were used in the Pacific Theater during WW II because their language was a code the Japanese could not (or did not) break. There were orders for them not to be captured alive. The last code talker died a couple of years ago, when I wrote this poem.
Yup, Athabaskan uses See ya to mean we will see each other again. It doesn't recognize partings as potentially final.
Oh - this is the last poem in my To Our Alien Overlords MS.
Glad you enjoyed this!
Cheers,
John