Shafts of Light

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Morpheus
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Wed Jun 21, 2023 9:16 am

Bipolar is my elixir, my sideshow,
my dance or flirt, clothes
strewn across a floor
rigid and real to others.

Bipolar is my puzzle
of silver chain bundled
in knots; then unpicked
revealing crucifix.

Bipolar is my kite untethered
or the line in the horizon
where the sky meets the sea
not flat but waved and endless.

Bipolar is the spiral vortex
thunderstorm or plunge
of waterfall in a cave,
collapsed like light,
through the sinkhole roof.
jisbell00
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Wed Jun 21, 2023 10:22 am

Hi Morph,

Lovely title, and I think very apt.

You have a wild and interesting collection of metaphors for bipolar here, and it's hard to unpack them all in proper order and determine their exact weight of analogy. I think that resistance to interpretation is part of your storyline, though, so props. Everyone's metaphors are going ot be different, which again is part of the beauty of the thing - for instance, elixir would never have occurred to me, but reading it made me wonder if I am unfair to my disorder, whether I should gaze into the abyss more often and see what ownership really means. The tightrope between owenership and recovery is a tricky one to walk. The sinkhole, now, that one is resonant for me.

In any case. As you can see, you've got me thinking! I would imagine non-bipolar readers will also learn something about the condition from what you've put on the page. And that's a good thing. Goal accomplished.

Cheers,
John
Morpheus
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Wed Jun 21, 2023 11:27 am

Thanks John.

On the BipolarUK forum someone was asking 'What does bipolar mean to you...?' and this was just my left field response
this morning having read your California poem moments before and I thought...why not call it a poem and post it on here too in beginners. There's a lot of beginners doggerel out there in the mental health community as I'm sure you know and some of it is not bad.
jisbell00
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Wed Jun 21, 2023 12:01 pm

:) We are a talented bunch!

Cheers,
John
Macavity
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Fri Jun 23, 2023 12:10 pm

Like a relationship then Morph, though the ups and downs are more intense. I like the use of 'flirt' in that context. Flirting can be a borderline experience, though crossing those boundaries can give a more messy reality. It sounds like a boundless existence, which can be a destructive experience. I am, of course, speaking from the outside.

Bw

Phil
Morpheus
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Fri Jun 23, 2023 1:32 pm

Thanks Phil.

Yes, you're right that the first Stanza is about relationships and boundaries. I've heard people in the bipolar community refer to it as liquid love. Monogamy is more long term stable option IMHO.
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Mharr2000
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Sun Oct 29, 2023 4:19 pm

Very interesting poem i knew someone who was bipolar and this fits them really well they were allways misunderstood.
ton321
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Tue Oct 31, 2023 6:28 pm

Hi Morph

Interesting read. Liked the second stanza with the crucifix image, but it all held my attention.


Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
AnnaBonjourCadenza
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Fri Jun 28, 2024 2:38 pm

Bipolar is my puzzle
of silver chain bundled
in knots; then unpicked
revealing crucifix.

I love this poem! I don't know much about bipolar, but this definitely adds some perspective.

My only suggestion would be to add an adjective before "crucifix." Most of the final lines of your stanzas are slightly longer, and I think you could indicate what the crucifix means to you with the positive or negative nature of an adjective.

Nice job!
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