On a Photograph I Threw into the Trash
My face is moved to smile, but has unlearned
that habit. In the Pitti Palace, we
surveyed the mastered landscape on a grey
May morning, and the memory came back
of childhood in that garden. I do not
condone the urge to reminisce, but I
can’t seem to help it. Is there some device
to bring joy to the drifting head and heart?
Again, I am reminded: of the time
my mother sent me a school magazine
she’d kept from those days, with a cover photo
of kids at play. Their joy seemed alien
to me – I threw it in the trash before
it struck me that was me and my best friends.
The photo’s gone now, but the happy children
swim into view in my mind with its trove
of things to reminisce about. I can’t
unlearn the past I lived through, there is no
door into presence I have found. Today,
the sun will leave the Gulf and walk through Heaven,
and I’ll behold it, and my heart will lift
as best it can to joy, and I may smile.
On a Photograph I Threw into the Trash
Greetings, John,
We enjoyed reading this poem, although we found it rather sad (*v*)
Now, 'the Pitti Palace'; this is somewhere in Italy, perhaps? We like 'the mastered landscape' so soon after the unlearned habit of smiling. The grey is significant too. We're a little stuck on what N is unable to help and also on 'drifting', but we'll try again tomorrow.
It's hard to look back sometimes. We understand the alien joy and the need to be rid of it. We might suggest 'I realised' in place of 'it struck me', as 'struck' close to 'threw' becomes more active than intended, but that's only in our minds.
On a similar note, 'swim' in the second line of S3 is rather active too, but we suppose it fits with the earlier 'drifting'. We like 'trove'. Again, we wonder where N is, what with the sun's passage as described. We like the hint of hope at the end.
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
We enjoyed reading this poem, although we found it rather sad (*v*)
Now, 'the Pitti Palace'; this is somewhere in Italy, perhaps? We like 'the mastered landscape' so soon after the unlearned habit of smiling. The grey is significant too. We're a little stuck on what N is unable to help and also on 'drifting', but we'll try again tomorrow.
It's hard to look back sometimes. We understand the alien joy and the need to be rid of it. We might suggest 'I realised' in place of 'it struck me', as 'struck' close to 'threw' becomes more active than intended, but that's only in our minds.
On a similar note, 'swim' in the second line of S3 is rather active too, but we suppose it fits with the earlier 'drifting'. We like 'trove'. Again, we wonder where N is, what with the sun's passage as described. We like the hint of hope at the end.
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
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CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3096
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
This is a good poem. It swept me along and even evoked feelings. It sounds honest and sincere. But the ending seems wrong. You switch from reminiscing to predicting (even though you are predicting only the day to come), and that somehow doesn't feel right. But that may be my own prejudice.
Whether you change the ending or not, I think the poem is well written. It has your usual blah, blah, blah (sorry, but sometimes I get tired of repeating all the compliments -- they make me envious).
Whether you change the ending or not, I think the poem is well written. It has your usual blah, blah, blah (sorry, but sometimes I get tired of repeating all the compliments -- they make me envious).
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Like your 'may' to conclude. After all why ignore life's treasures 
Greetings, Fliss and Coo, Caleb, and Phil!
F & C: it is a bit sad, isn’t it? Both the problem smiling and the inability to see oneself as a happy child. Mastered landscape – you’re right, I’d missed that. The Pitti Palace is in Florence, where I lived as a child. We were back there. Yes, alien joy. I know what you mean about struck, but nothing else seems quite right. And I like the kids swimming up! As you say, it connect with drifting. Yes, a hint of hope at the end. I forget where I wrote this one, likely Indiana.
Caleb: Aw, shucks! Thank you for the compliments. This is a bit less intellectual than some of my stuff, it’s about childhood and smiling or not doing so. I do hope all my work is honest and sincere, that matters to me! But I know what you mean. I want the shift at the end, the gaze into an unsteady future. Maybe I’ll manage a smile, maybe I’ve lost that art forever. And thanks for the blah blah blah!
Phil: glad you liked the trove! And you are quite right to focus on the may, it is possible but not perhaps probable. But we do our best. Thank you also for that sampling of life's treasures! Next round's on me.
I’d written a 3-4 page poem on this topic when manic and lost it somehow (mania). Anyhow, I wrote this to replace it. And perhaps to replace the photo, which I no longer have. It was the cover of our school magazine.
Cheers,
John
F & C: it is a bit sad, isn’t it? Both the problem smiling and the inability to see oneself as a happy child. Mastered landscape – you’re right, I’d missed that. The Pitti Palace is in Florence, where I lived as a child. We were back there. Yes, alien joy. I know what you mean about struck, but nothing else seems quite right. And I like the kids swimming up! As you say, it connect with drifting. Yes, a hint of hope at the end. I forget where I wrote this one, likely Indiana.
Caleb: Aw, shucks! Thank you for the compliments. This is a bit less intellectual than some of my stuff, it’s about childhood and smiling or not doing so. I do hope all my work is honest and sincere, that matters to me! But I know what you mean. I want the shift at the end, the gaze into an unsteady future. Maybe I’ll manage a smile, maybe I’ve lost that art forever. And thanks for the blah blah blah!
Phil: glad you liked the trove! And you are quite right to focus on the may, it is possible but not perhaps probable. But we do our best. Thank you also for that sampling of life's treasures! Next round's on me.
I’d written a 3-4 page poem on this topic when manic and lost it somehow (mania). Anyhow, I wrote this to replace it. And perhaps to replace the photo, which I no longer have. It was the cover of our school magazine.
Cheers,
John
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CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3096
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
John, from now on I'll just say "blah blah blah" and you'll understand what I mean. I wish my own "blahs" were as lovely as yours are.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Greetings, FLiss, Coo, and Caleb!
Fliss & Coo: here are the Boboli Gardens, behind the Pitti Palace: https://www.uffizi.it/en/boboli-garden
They are lovely. Glad you enjoyed this sad poem!
Caleb: likewise! yes, blah blah blah is succinct and resonant! By all means, feel free to write that, i will know hwat you mean. Thank you for the compliments.
Cheerie,
John
Fliss & Coo: here are the Boboli Gardens, behind the Pitti Palace: https://www.uffizi.it/en/boboli-garden
They are lovely. Glad you enjoyed this sad poem!
Caleb: likewise! yes, blah blah blah is succinct and resonant! By all means, feel free to write that, i will know hwat you mean. Thank you for the compliments.
Cheerie,
John
Ooh, thank-coos John, how pleasant. We appreciate the notes on Accessibility, under Services. Of course when we attempt day trips we are generally accompanied by Mr T and at least one of the ginger giants, who are known for rearranging the scenery to accommodate our requirements. Mr T has a knack for impromptu ramps particularly (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)