She always laughed when someone died.
Hi Tony,
Another of your strange and unexpected observations. I think it has weight; it is succinct and crisp. OTOH, I'm not sure the last line does more than say abstractly what the poem has already said more arrestingly.
Cheers,
John
Another of your strange and unexpected observations. I think it has weight; it is succinct and crisp. OTOH, I'm not sure the last line does more than say abstractly what the poem has already said more arrestingly.
Cheers,
John
Thanks John
I just couldn't resist the urge to rhyme breath , and death. And also a pun.
It's a bit mork and mindy ending thou. I agree.
Tony
I just couldn't resist the urge to rhyme breath , and death. And also a pun.
It's a bit mork and mindy ending thou. I agree.
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
- CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
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- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
"friends" in the first line should be "friend's", right?
I just want to say that words ending with a short "e" and an "f" sound make pretty good off-rhymes with breath/death. "Left", for example.
I just want to say that words ending with a short "e" and an "f" sound make pretty good off-rhymes with breath/death. "Left", for example.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
- CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
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- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
I've now read the poem a few times, and I have come to like it. I can't say why. Perhaps it's that rhyme at the end. At first, the poem didn't strike me as substantial enough to stand as it is, but now it does.
But please put that apostrophe in "friends".
But please put that apostrophe in "friends".
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Thanks Caleb
Farrimond was my English teacher, and he died of a heart attack, at the age of 35. Eveyone loved him and so did I
Tony
Farrimond was my English teacher, and he died of a heart attack, at the age of 35. Eveyone loved him and so did I
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
It was my friends sister. He observed that fact, he told me, she reacted as expected...slam dunk
or not
Tony
or not
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves