People Have No Choice
Is this a test? is evidently what
my friend was thinking as a doctor told
her he was glad she wasn’t dead. She is
recovering, I hear, though life is not
all it might be, on the Fifth Floor. I speak
as someone who remembers. As we move
from one day to the next, the bicycle
of our existence wobbles and it can
simply fall over. That’s a sort of test
I guess that we can pass as we regain
control of handlebars and pedals and
resume our stately progress. But it’s not
much fun to ride unsteady. What I like
is gliding through the days as the machine
that carries us performs its job. The years
have taught me steadiness, and I look back
on early spills as on an alien planet.
And yet, I know that feeling when the gut
knots as a test begins. It isn’t easy
to live like that, but people have no choice.
People Have No Choice
Hi John
I suspect this relates to your sense of frailty and mortality because of cancer. I particularly liked the wobbling bicycle image. There is a dry humour - one way of 'surviving' - but also the 'relief' of a smile engages this reader.
'enjoyed'
Phil
I suspect this relates to your sense of frailty and mortality because of cancer. I particularly liked the wobbling bicycle image. There is a dry humour - one way of 'surviving' - but also the 'relief' of a smile engages this reader.
'enjoyed'
Phil
Hi Phil,
Glad you liked the wobbling bicycle, and I agree there is a sort of dry humor to that! This particular friend had just attempted suicide, in fact - the FIfth Floor is the psych ward, and she thought the MD was testing her when he made that simple human remark - but you are likely right, that my survival of cancer factors in to my sense of the frailty of life. It all ties together really.
Oh - so yes, this is a fairly sad MS., Broccoli and Duty, but I think it holds up fairly well, on balance.
Cheers,
John
Glad you liked the wobbling bicycle, and I agree there is a sort of dry humor to that! This particular friend had just attempted suicide, in fact - the FIfth Floor is the psych ward, and she thought the MD was testing her when he made that simple human remark - but you are likely right, that my survival of cancer factors in to my sense of the frailty of life. It all ties together really.
Oh - so yes, this is a fairly sad MS., Broccoli and Duty, but I think it holds up fairly well, on balance.
Cheers,
John
-
CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3096
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
This is a great poem, John. Very moving. It flows nicely, and I like the images.
I suggest this ...
and no one has a choice.
... instead of this ...
but people have no choice.
I suggest this ...
and no one has a choice.
... instead of this ...
but people have no choice.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Hi Caleb,
That is very kind of you. Yes, the friend had just attempted suicijde and I was hoping to contexctualize that a bit, if that's the word - make some kind of sense of it. Her remark led me in or provided a gateway. It's good to hear some of that emotion carried over.
As for the ending, I know what you mean. But "people" for me is really "some people," the mentally ill in particular, riding their wobbly bicycles. Perhaps that's to oexclusive and I should open it out as you suggest. But I quite like the fluidity of "people" - is it some, or all people? I like not saying. Is the mentally ill experience universal?
Cheers,
John
That is very kind of you. Yes, the friend had just attempted suicijde and I was hoping to contexctualize that a bit, if that's the word - make some kind of sense of it. Her remark led me in or provided a gateway. It's good to hear some of that emotion carried over.
As for the ending, I know what you mean. But "people" for me is really "some people," the mentally ill in particular, riding their wobbly bicycles. Perhaps that's to oexclusive and I should open it out as you suggest. But I quite like the fluidity of "people" - is it some, or all people? I like not saying. Is the mentally ill experience universal?
Cheers,
John
-
AnnaBonjourCadenza
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2024 3:37 am
Hi John,
This is really beautiful, and I can well relate to needing a poem to process something tough. I'm so sorry your friend went through this.
My only suggestion would be to refer to a foreign being/person rather than "alien planet." I think it would show the personal growth more directly.
This is really beautiful, and I can well relate to needing a poem to process something tough. I'm so sorry your friend went through this.
My only suggestion would be to refer to a foreign being/person rather than "alien planet." I think it would show the personal growth more directly.