Gatecrasher

[Lu59]

Gatecrasher

I never invited you in.

Yet you came,
biological bindweed
sucking at the sap of my mobility.
A seeping fungus, you invade each crevice,
gnawing,
ever-hungry.

(Before I could even spell your name
- when you were still synonymous
with old age, damp houses –
I could run barefoot across a pebbled beach.
Skirt tucked into pants,
I’d skip over rocks,
deftly dodging dark pools of listless water,
lean, sun-sabled legs ever-sturdy, always true.
They’d carry me out to meet the sea,
where I would balance on the farthest rock,
arms outstretched,
a siren laughing in the face of summer.
Then, kicking ripples into a frenzy of cool opal beads,
I’d ride impatient waves into the turn of the tide).

Attempts at eviction prove futile
so you remain,
sculpting tight, shiny skin
over tuber-roots of pain.

And all the while, the child inside me whines,
“Please go away…I never said you could enter”.

[twoleftfeet]

Hi, Lu59, and welcome to the Forum.

May I draw your attention to the forum rules with regard to
poems and crits:
viewtopic.php?t=3267

Cheers
Geoff

[David]

Lu, I've seen Geoff's reminder, and he's quite right, but you deserve some encouragement as well. This seems to be deeply personal, and it isn't hard to understand the general sense, although I don't know exactly what it is you're describing.

Some good lines. Go and do some crits, and do some more poems. That's the fun of it.

Cheers

David

[barrie]

Sounds like rheumatism or arthritis to me - rheumatoid arthritis?

'........... synonymous
with old age, damp houses –'

'sculpting tight, shiny skin
over tuber-roots of pain.'

Frustration and anger - not surprising.

good first

Barrie

[Ryder]

Yes, good first post Lu. I, like Barrie, thought athritis and for same reasons. Yet can't correlate with 'seeping fungus' and 'gnawing' which sound more like cancer, heaven forbid.
Anyroad, I enjoyed your descriptions of blithe youthfullness, particularly 'siren laughing in the face of summer'.

Seems to waver a little, from verse to verse, as if you weren't quite sure how to juxtapose the two states of being. In any case, good post and look forward to more.

'tuber roots of pain' yes.

[Lu59]

Oops, sorry Geoff - I didn't realise we had to do the crits before we could post, I just read it as we were required to do two for every one poem we posted (which I fully intend to do, asap!).

Barrie & Ryder - yes, it is about arthritis, which I first got when I was 28, and this was written after about 5 years of suffering and trying to bring up two children as a lone parent. So "sleeping fungus" and "gnawing" described for me, at the time, how insiduous a condition this is, and how unfair it seemed to have to put up with it.
The wavering was intentional - I was totally unable to correlate the younger, fitter me with the person who had to take painkillers and was unable to walk far, climb hills, run on pebbled beaches etc.

Luckily the condition has now eased to an acceptable level, as I have less stress in my life than during those very dark times.

Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate them and will be back woth more poems and crits!
Lu 59

[benjywenjy]

hey

I really liked this. good first post

not too sure about seeping fungus, at first I though it was a poem about mould :S

the next verse is really nice and wistfull, with a real sense of freedom of mobility,

'a siren laughing in the face of summer.
Then, kicking ripples into a frenzy of cool opal beads,'

a really pretty verse but the next one jars a bit, it isn't up to the same standard in my opinion.

the last stanza is a good way to end it, combining past and present happiness and pain.

thanks for posting

benjy

[Shepherdess]

Welcome welcome welcome

Nice first post
As said by other sound painful and crippling -- Is it you or just a poem from the out side?

thanks for sharing

[the huntress]

beautifully done. theres some great lines in here- i liked the long, wistful verse about your mobility.

And all the while, the child inside me whines,
“Please go away…I never said you could enter”.

great ending.