In the semi-light
Words form before expected
And hairs of brightness brush
Thin letters on the page.
There in the semi-dark
Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows, and flickers
In the street light
Dim
'Words form before expected', doesn't make grammatical sense. You could use, 'words form unexpectedly' (or 'suddenly' - 'surprisingly').
'Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows, and flickers
In the street light' -
- I like the idea of this, although I'm not quite sure why you used 'between windows'.
semi-light
semi- dark(ness) - Half full or half-empty.
nice one
Barrie
'Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows, and flickers
In the street light' -
- I like the idea of this, although I'm not quite sure why you used 'between windows'.
semi-light
semi- dark(ness) - Half full or half-empty.
nice one
Barrie
Hi Yesterday,
Thanks for the nice piece.
Cheers,
SEDA.
Is this what you mean? : Words are formed before they are expected to be formed.Words form before expected
I like this image too much.And hairs of brightness brush
Thin letters on the page.
Thanks for the nice piece.
Cheers,
SEDA.
Precisly Adour, i was origonally discribing my writing on paper, as i was writing the words formed fast from my pen than i my brain suposed they would.
Barrie, i am not entirely sure why i used between windows... it seemed to fit in with the streetlight, as in neighbors over the road, although that is a long way for laughter to travel, but perhaps on a still night.
Thankyou for your comments, i'm glad you liked it.
P.s. does anyone have any idea of how to publish their poems, like magazines or something, my options are limited to the website and though i really apreacite all of the critque i would liked to more publicise my work, if its any good.
Barrie, i am not entirely sure why i used between windows... it seemed to fit in with the streetlight, as in neighbors over the road, although that is a long way for laughter to travel, but perhaps on a still night.
Thankyou for your comments, i'm glad you liked it.
P.s. does anyone have any idea of how to publish their poems, like magazines or something, my options are limited to the website and though i really apreacite all of the critque i would liked to more publicise my work, if its any good.
-
HeidiHogrefe
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2007 5:55 pm
Hi Yesterday...
I enjoyed the poem. Your writing here is short and compact. I do enjoy short poems as well.
An image of the writer producing his words in the first stanza, w/:
Words form before expected/And hairs of brightness brush/Thin letters on the page. Introspection is apparent in the beginning of this piece.
Following in the second stanza with the writer taking senses, feelings from the outside: "laughter twinkles softly/Between windows, and flickers"
Also there is a real sense of time with this poem. As the day comes to an end : In the semi-light . Then it is night: There in the semi-dark
Nice work.
heidi
I enjoyed the poem. Your writing here is short and compact. I do enjoy short poems as well.
An image of the writer producing his words in the first stanza, w/:
Words form before expected/And hairs of brightness brush/Thin letters on the page. Introspection is apparent in the beginning of this piece.
Following in the second stanza with the writer taking senses, feelings from the outside: "laughter twinkles softly/Between windows, and flickers"
Also there is a real sense of time with this poem. As the day comes to an end : In the semi-light . Then it is night: There in the semi-dark
Nice work.
heidi
Greybald.... you are correct, the second orignoally went
There in the semi-dark
small smile touches mine
and murmers settle gently
in thickened shadows.
But that was not the effect i was going for, i was more foucsing on the sens of writing as it turns to dark (the first verse, and then the second i was more aware of what was around me)
Perhaps this is why the second verse does 'do it justice'... im not sure...
There in the semi-dark
small smile touches mine
and murmers settle gently
in thickened shadows.
But that was not the effect i was going for, i was more foucsing on the sens of writing as it turns to dark (the first verse, and then the second i was more aware of what was around me)
Perhaps this is why the second verse does 'do it justice'... im not sure...
-
(my) boastful! murmur?
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2007 1:02 pm
There in the semi-dark
Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows, and flickers
In the street light
thats a really nice line
'Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows' thats very nice
(sorry, im not much of a critic)
Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows, and flickers
In the street light
thats a really nice line
'Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows' thats very nice
(sorry, im not much of a critic)