to make my bed
is like a dream
i don't know why
it is like pumpkin pie
one time a week
is ok i think
mom said it is enough
for the floor to have stuff
i try to keep tidy
my clothes and books
mom is coming now
to take a looks
my room
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- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2185
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 9:36 am
- Location: Brisbane, Australia
Ah
The English in this one is much more readable than your cat poem and also shows a good sense of humour. Yep, I liked it.
Only quibble was the final "s" in "looks" - make it "look". Only once a week - your mum is very tolerant.
Cheers
Dave
The English in this one is much more readable than your cat poem and also shows a good sense of humour. Yep, I liked it.
Only quibble was the final "s" in "looks" - make it "look". Only once a week - your mum is very tolerant.
Cheers
Dave
Cheers
Dave
"And I'm lost, and I'm lost
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
" [Tom]
Dave
"And I'm lost, and I'm lost
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
" [Tom]
-
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2185
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 9:36 am
- Location: Brisbane, Australia
books does not rhyme with look!
true - but "looks" makes no sense. It is an imperfect rhyme but it works because the "s" in "books" is not too dominant. Don't get too driven by rhyme.
Cheers
Dave
Cheers
Dave
"And I'm lost, and I'm lost
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
" [Tom]
Dave
"And I'm lost, and I'm lost
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
" [Tom]
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- Posts: 14
- Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2007 1:02 pm
maybe swap books or looks...
...but i like...its a sweet one...
i can just imagine u scribbling it down with the sound of your mothers foot steps coming up the stairs.
...but i like...its a sweet one...
i can just imagine u scribbling it down with the sound of your mothers foot steps coming up the stairs.