No title...

[Diablo79]

Written in 2003 and not given a title as yet...

I knock it back, the short sharp fiery shock,
but it makes me forget what I dont want to remember,
I dont have the courage to deal with last September...
It doesnt seem long since that first soft kiss, and the rollercoaster ride
that went with it,
but now time and time again, I visit rooms of old, despite the warnings that my senses hold...
Sometimes your too magnetic, even though we are poles apart,
my thoughts and feelings get tied up by the strings you play on my
heart...
I tell myself every day that im going to start anew, but all my plans
come crashing down when I set eyes on you....

[camus]

Hi Diablo,

I'd say this is a slightly worn subject, of course worn subjects can be refreshed, but I didn't see anything NEW in this poem. Also there are a few cliches that could do with a rethink:

rollercoaster ride
poles apart
strings you play on my heart
come crashing down

Also watch out for typos/mistakes, easier said than done, when one is eager:

your too magnetic - you're

As always don't be put off by negative comments, this is just a primer.

cheers
Kris

[Diablo79]

Thanks I appreciate it, many of my poems were written years ago, this one inparticular 4 years ago so its always good to come back on them and look at them from a different angle years later!

Andy

[arunansu]

I like the piece. Better keep it "Untitled".
-Arunansu

[boysofsummer]

I liked the poem for its rhyme scheme, but feel that this sort of writing would go further in terms of appreciation if it were written as lyrics.