Tears of a Monster

[Dagdason]

Pain without affliction?
Horror without monsters?
Awake to the night terror of lost love and kin

Hell comes in sporadic bursts of insanity
Pain in the eyes of children I cast upon
Who wonder why love has gone from the arms and eyes of daddy

Striking at the nearest heart
Tender moments lost in rage
Cancer of hate eats the soul of a once kind man

From whence does this pain come?
The voice of love
From whence does this anger come?

The sorrow that love causes envelopes the heart
A love lost for an eternity
God I pray for another chance to pay reparations

I step on the grave of my sire
He who loved to create, but failed to nurture
The source of the pain that made me the monster to kinder hearts

Now I bid the gods to rectify my sin
Children’s souls cleansed of my affliction
Brave them to be a greater thing than I

If forgiveness comes
None too soon I pray
I will drink it like a suckling child

Without fear, without care
Unconditional love that eludes even the wisest kin
I pass to the next life wondering if the demons will follow

Nights disturbed by restless awakenings
Pain of days long gone
Will forgiveness come from those assailed?

The sign of Christ embedded into my heart
A curse upon the God that made me
The womb that bore me, the breast that fed me

I stand in line with the other monsters
Those that made me, those I have made
We cast angry looks back and pleading looks forward

Can I forgiven those behind me?
Am I lost forever in the sin I cast upon those after me?
Why have I been blessed with this curse?

I am to blame, I failed to cease the demon
The sin has not been passed to those I sired
For they are of stronger heart and soul, brave spirits

They see my sin and caste it aside
They choose a better path for self
They are my saviors; God smiles on them and they release me from my pain

Sleep comes peacefully, dreams play like giggling children
I see them happy and their cherubs the same
I dream of father, forgiven and in peace, I feel Gods hand touch my soul

[kozmikdave]

Gidday

This is very Jobian (is that a word?) - full of questioning and remorse. It could have been shorter in my opinion, but I enjoyed a lot of the read.

Just a couple of general thoughts -

You seem confused as to whether to punctuate or not. Mostly you have decided not to, but towards the end you have decided to include punctuation which I think doesn't work too well. The use of commas etc, don't really work. The lack of puctuation in the beginning could possibly work as in most places, you have put line breaks in the place of commas and stops, but that eventually breaks down.

Now I bid the gods to rectify my sin
Children’s souls cleansed of my affliction
Brave them to be a greater thing than I

I didn't get this, but suppose it is the sin you are passing on as a father (genetic, taught?). I did like the reference to your own father and perhaps the fact that you are taking on his characteristics. It was therefore a bit puzzling that you felt optimistic at the end that your own children would be free of the curse, or was that a dream?

We seem to be having a spiritual revival going on at the moment.

I will reread this when my wife is not pushing me to get off my bum and do some repairs around the house, but meanwhile, try to clarify some of the sections and trim it where you can. It would make it a better read. Still, I enjoyed much of this.

Cheers
Dave

[twoleftfeet]

Dag,

I thought as I read this that it was going to be about a paedophile
(it's the use of Monster that did it).
I "got" it eventually, but I remain confused: one moment your progeny
are monsters, the next your sins have not been passed on after all.....

"Cease the demon"
- this is a misuse of "cease" I think. (Not that you aren't allowed to do it)

I would be inclined to pare this poem down to the bare bones to give it
greater impact.

I liked the ending
Geoff

[Charles]

I liked this a lot. I think I see what your getting at - the 'ole Exodus 20:5 - "they f**k you up your mum and dad". I think this take on it is a good one though, the authorial voice in right in the midst of it trying to deal with it.

I would agree with Geoff that it could be stronger if you went through did some pruning. For example "Cancer of hate eats the soul of a once kind man", seems rather wordy to me, especially seeing as you omitted an article from in front of "Cancer".

Should it not be "God's" in the last line?

I loved "dreams play like giggling children"

I think I got it. Is it that the "monster" passed on the dyfunction and pain to his kids, but his kids were strong enough to break the cycle and not turn into monsters themselves.

[Dagdason]

Yes, clearly it has some wordy moments since I was really experimenting with painting the dream I had with more picturesque sentences. The idea was about the seething anger and violence that existed in my early life and how it adversely affected my first marriage. As a result I am estranged from my three adult children, who ended up being raised by their stepfather (who adopted them) and mother and actually based upon their respective MYSPACE web pages; they have managed to do quite well for themselves despite me.

My eldest daughter made attempts to connect with my youngest from my current marriage, which I am proud to say has steadily improving the last 20 years. As a result a lot came up since I had always hoped that my eldest children would contact me and I would have the opportunity to apologize and make amends for the pain I put them through and hopefully give them the opportunity to confront and resolve any outstanding issues as a result of my behavior. So they are developing a relationship with my kids from this marriage so at least I have that going for me.

As to the poem, it was more a catharsis for expressing my anguish over the whole ordeal, I chose to share it simply to allow others like myself an opportunity to relate and envision change, healing and hopefully recognize their sin and repent in what ever manner they could. It helped me resolve my own anger with myself, my father and mother and stepfathers. Forgiveness has a way of helping you sleep better.

So I will take all of you recommendations and readdress this poem at a later date. Currently I am writing a movie script about dating. Wish me luck

Cheers

[Kilravock]

we are all evil. even if you dont read this I feel it is important to me to let you know the great and lovely sorrow that this poem imparts. Job would be proud.

"In comfort rest
weary travelar, lay down your head,
be safe in Gods grace,
and in his word make your stead"