the naked apes

[oranggunung]

redraft

We are simple naked apes
and if the argument extends,
we should wear the Emperor’s new clothes,
but nakedness offends.

We are fragile naked apes
with wisps of hairy down,
so we take the coats of others
and wear them as our own.

We are noble naked apes
fighting for what’s good and right.
History corrects us;
we’re really dying for a fight.

We are cultured naked apes
with a civilised veneer;
in times of stress this shatters
and more feral shades appear.

We are caring naked apes
keen to trace our family line,
so why are our nearest relatives
all in steep decline?

Are we simply naked apes?
If we’re confronted with the proof
do we have the constitution
to face the naked truth?


original

We are the naked apes
and if the argument extends,
we should wear the Emperor’s new clothes,
but nakedness offends.

We are the naked apes
with wisps of hairy down,
so we take the coats of others
and wear them as our own.

We are the naked apes
fighting for a future bright.
History corrects us;
we’re really dying for a fight.

We are the naked apes
with a civilised veneer;
in times of stress this shatters
and more feral shades appear.

We are the naked apes
keen to trace our family line,
so why are our nearest relatives
all in steep decline?

We are the naked apes,
though when confronted with the proof,
do we have the constitution
to face the naked truth?

---------------------------------------

I don't think this is really a song, but I'm sure someone would have suggested it should be if I'd posted it as a poem.

[kozmikdave]

Gidday

Desmond Morris would be proud of you.

Some interesting images and thoughts. Not sure how to attack it musically, but give me some time and see if I come up with anything.

Cheers
Dave

[twoleftfeet]

Og,

You are right - I . for one, would have suggested that it would make a
great lyric.

I only have two small points to make

1) v3 - perhaps avoid the repetition of fight/fighting?
2) Perhaps vary "we are the naked apes" with "the naked apes are we"?

Sharp
Geoff

btw Koz is President of the Charles Darwin Fan Club so he is bound to
like this.

[David]

Og, I know what you mean about the song-ishness of this, but - like Dave - I'm not sure how you'd set it musically. (I'm getting flashes of prog-rock - Genesis - The Carpet Crawlers, perhaps? These are not necessarily flashes of inspiration.)

Oh and do not - even in a song - invert adjective and noun. Future bright, indeed!

Cheers

David

[oranggunung]

Thanks for the comments.

I´m not sure that the progress towards a lyric has been much improved, but the content has been refined in a redraft.

The inversion was a howler. I apologise profusely.

The fight/fighting clash has been removed and the intro lines have been varied to make them a little more interesting.

I´ll need to keep the idea of a tune in the back of my mind when I next consider posting a lyric.

og

[Kilravock]

Darwinian!!!!!!! I though that this song to be an offense to humanity. disgusting!!!!! They should shipyou off to The Hauge.

[David]

The Hauge! Yes. Dreadful place. To be avoided like the plauge.

[barrie]

Yes, and after he's been shipped off to the Hauge, he should be taken to the Hague - maybe a small detour around the Galapagos, just to see what's changed.

Do you believe in witchcraft and that all its practioners should be burned?

Extremism, is an offense to humanity.

Barrie

[donjuaninhell]

in stanza two you have an off-rhyme with the down and own which, in a song, is less likely to be effective and just confuse than in a straight poem, since in a song we don't have a visual word but a purely auditory one. all of that to say that, generally, orthographic rhymes like that seem not to work in song