Iechyd da

[madawc]

Cwm weave the waves ypon Welsh sand,
Why waste time ynland yn idle dawdls?
Spread yourself along the beach,
All you seek wyddn your reach,
Spend your llyfe composing pyrfect awdls.

[Wabznasm]

mad,

Well I can't really say much about this...

I like the Welsh flavour.

All poetry withyn your reach, - is a bit of a tacky statement to be honest. But that's probably just me - I'm never a fan of the word 'poetry' in poetry.

You've lost me with 'awdls'.

One worry though: is this just a very normal statement dressed up in an experimental anglo-welsh?

Still, for some inexplicable reason the writing and language suits the mood of the piece, so it's a nice read.

Dave

[madawc]

Thanks Dave,

I was just having a bit of a mess about really, and this just came out. I don't suppose it complies with any known verse form, if it does then it's more good luck than judgement.
An awdl is a Welsh verse form, so I apologize to any serious students of Welsh poetry for my doodling.

I take your point about using poetry, I'll think of something else.

madawc

[twoleftfeet]

Yes, I like it too without knowing why....

"Walk the waves" sounds a bit New Testament, though

[oranggunung]

madawc

I enjoyed the playful nature of this piece.

It was a little confusing, though. The title is clearly in Welsh (meaning ‘cheers’ or ‘good health’ maybe?), but the subject matter is more about the sea. Is the subject matter secondary to its presentation?

One might imagine the poem was encouraging people to get out into the fresh air, if ynland were replaced with ynside.

I don't suppose it complies with any known verse form

Apparently, this is a cinquain. And, furthermore, the rhyme scheme ABCCB is one of the more commonly used (in parts of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner, for example). As far as I can see, cinquains seem much simpler than awdls.



og

[madawc]

Thank you tlf - I suppose it does sound a bit NT. It's just as well I changed it from walk with waves, that would have been too Lakota, Costner-by-the-sea.

I don't care who's son you are, get off my bloody lake!

og: awdls are a little more complicated with strict syllable counts and internal rhymes, not to mention the correct placing of alliteration etc. I did manage to slip an internal rhyme in somewhere.

thanks

madawc

[twoleftfeet]

Are the Wetfeet, like the Blackfeet, a branch of the Sioux nation?

"Skirt the waves" would keep the feet a little drier, methinks

Geoff

[madawc]

I really need another word beginning with 'w' to go with waves and the other w's, m's and n's scattered about - and I'm stuck.

Wetfeet, Blackfeet - Which nation is Two Left Feet affiliated to, kimosabe? (I read your poem Wounded Knees)

madawc

[twoleftfeet]

Yes, I see what you mean - especially with "why waste" on the next line.

Wander, weave ?

It's a toughie
Geoff

[madawc]

Weave sounds good, I'll work that in.

Thank you

madawc

[Kilravock]

It was fantastic. I kept thinking I was reading a Welsh William Barnes poem. The only thing that I would begin to suggest is that you would include is a pronunciation guide. I know what sounds the dd make, but there are many fine folks that hav had no expereince with anything Welsh. I must confess that anything with Wales and I melt, except Plaid
cmyru, it is a really good poem. Sorry if that sounds hurried.

[Ryder]

As others have suggested. This poem has something, difficult to pin-point exactly what it is. I don't think you should worry about Welsh speakers being offended, it really doesn't come across that way at all.

Nice work.

[madawc]

Thanks Killer; never thought of a pronunciation guide. dd = th.

Thanks Ryder, I wish I knew what that something was. It's probably run away now.

madawc