Notes

[madawc]

The wind ushers in another cold night,
Aeolus, in flight, plays harp with the trees,
frosty notes drift through a grey woodland frieze.
Owls shift dead leaves with the breeze of their wings,
silent rooks wait for dawn’s early glowings,
those stretched yawns of pink that lead in the light.

[Lake]

Hi madawc,

This poem is well metered and rhymed and gives me a feel of good old times.
I like nature poems and this one reminds me of William Wordsworth's works.

The title "Notes" sounds multi-meanings to me: words written down? musical notes?...

"Owls shift dead leaves with the breeze of their wings", I like this line the best.

Thanks for the read.

Lake

[David]

Really good, I think - helped by an unusual rhyming scheme (i.e. it's not just aabb or abab ) - is there a model you're following, or did you just go where the music took you?

Ushers is a great onomatopoeic (can never spell that) verb to use with the wind.

I think frosty notes drift through a grey woodland frieze is my favourite line.

The only nit I would pick is that the heavy rhyming leads the reader to put too much weight on the second syllable of "glowings", so you want to say glo-WINGS when you know it really should be GLO-wings. I suppose I might also argue that plural present participles - like glowings - are always slightly dodgy, but you can probably quote me a shedload of examples to refute that.

Nice poem anyway.

Cheers

David

[twoleftfeet]

Madawc,

I enjoyed this - especially the last line and the frieze/freeze pun.

I think the rhyme of glowerings/wings is a tad weak but I can't offer any alternatives.

Nice one
Geoff

[kozmikdave]

I like the internal rhyme in this as well.

For some reason, the first three lines reminded me of the murals on the walls of the children's ward when I was a kid. They were nursery rhyme murals, but something in this took me back there.

Out of interest, owls have very soft feathers so they can fly silently. It seemed strange to pair them with (silent) rooks. This is not a criticism, just something thast took my fancy.

Good poem.

[Kilravock]

This is probably my favorite poem that you have written. The words that you use are so whimsical that it is amazing; don't change a thing!

[madawc]

Thank you for your replies everyone, I wasn't sure how this would be received. I did have a problem with 'wings' and 'glowings', I tried to think of two fresh lines to get around it, but without success. Something will turn up as a solution.
There was no pattern David, I was just experimenting with internal rhyme and matching vowel sounds. The end rhymes went in wherever they would fit, not much Welsh court bard discipline here.

madawc