toothless serenade (mp3 attached)

[donjuaninhell]

toothless serenade
that i sing to you today
in the presence of so many years
away from you

i remember that day
i brought you
a daisy i'd found on
the road to your house

when i gave it to you
you smiled and i blushed
like a cherubim

and then you ran into the field
behind your mother's house

i chased after you
and you led me to the tree
where you'd buried that beautiful ring
and dug it up with your hands

you blew off the dirt
and gave it to me.

*I have an mp3 with better sound quality if anyone is interested, but it's not a big deal.

[kozmikdave]

I like this, although I'm not sure if everything after the first verse is before the years away. Are we talking two incidents or three? When was the ring buried? I've gotta know! Seems a little ambiguous to how I think the plot ought to be. Can't wait to hear it.

[donjuaninhell]

thanks for the comment KD, it's supposed to be one day many years ago when they're both kids. anyway, i posted the mp3 file.

[beautifulloser]

Hi Don. I got this from the song. It's a good story, curious as to where your inspration came for this, is this real?, I'd like to think it is! The tale of your grandmother or parents getting together, I dont know, liked it though.

I'd like the better quality version Don if you don't mind, was impressed with your other post too.

[camus]

I come from the perspective of being wholly unmusical, so to me this is excellent!

I am though an avid musical listener, a muso if you will, and this reminds me of a cross between Kevin Coyne and Daniel Johnston.

The lyrics were almost secondary (which you'll probably be peeved at!) The fractured delicate voice, the melodic strum.

Beautiful.

I'd like the better quality version for sure, I could then upload an mp3 to my site that is actually legal!

PS the more I listen, the more the lyrics kick in, I think it's the intonations, brilliant.

[donjuaninhell]

thanks beauloser and camus for the praise, and i've posted the better quality version at myspace.com/donjuaninhell. i want to rerecord it though, work out some of the bumps in my singing, rhythm wise and length of notes, etc. so i'll let you know when i do. should be soon though.

[kozmikdave]

I like the register you use to sing this and also the simplicity of the guitar. For me, there is a bit of dischord between the voice and guitar. Was that intended? I might have gone looking for some different chords to swallow the dissonance. I think it has a lot of potential for it.