An Ancient Rhythm

[arunansu]

( The piece is dedicated to the Santhal dance. Santhals are the largest tribal community in India. They are musicians and dancers par excellence.)


I became hypnotized
by rhythmic waves
of human chain
surging in
swaying out
in multiple arrays of
nodding heads
clasped hands
wobbling to the tempo
of an early tune,
heard rarely.

Blond rays played on them
inaudibly
shuffling the
umbras, penumbras
and embraced a calming air stream.

Slender bodies glistened
metrically
being summoned by
finger holes of a woodwind.

They sang
“Oh Flower Friend,
the earthly flute
clashing cymbals
& our throbbing Tumdak*
weave a charm
underneath the canopy
of flesh & blood.”


I sensed,
the waking up
of an ancient pulse.


*Tumdak is a Santhal drum.

[Jester]

Hi arunansu. Well, apart from not being able to stop laughing when I read "Hypnotized I became" in Yoda's voice in my head, I thought this flowed beautifully. I know I'm being picky here, but I thought you might have found a better description of
"of an early tune,
heard rarely."
and thought "up" could be omitted from the closing verse.
To be extra picky - what was the instrument doing the summoning in
"finger holes of a woodwind"?

Nice work. Hope I haven't been toooooo picky.

Cheers

Mick

[Duncan Williams.]

G'day Arunansu, nice poem. keep up your good culture. Kind Regards. Duncan Williams. (Australia)

[arunansu]

Dear Jester,

I think the first line is ok now. I meant the finger holes in a flute when I wrote "finger holes of woodwind".
Nice feeling that my poem gave you some "laughing moments"!
Thanks.

Dear Duncan,

Thanks for your response.
-Arunansu

[kozmikdave]

Gidday

I enjoyed some of the images here, but have a couple of suggestions...

Why not leave out "I became" and just start with "hypnotized"?

Like Jester, I thought

...an early tune,
heard rarely

might have been described better. The picture I get is a tune that is prehistoric or timeless and that maybe (if that is what you have in mind), is the essence of all tunes.

I'm not totally convinced by the "blond rays" (sunlight?) or the "calming air stream" (breeze?) but appreciate the shadows and movement.

V3 gave me the feeling of a snake charmer. I liked it.

I sensed,
the waking up
of an ancient pulse.

This is the idea I thought you were trying to allude to in the first verse. I'd be tempted to leave "up" out of it.

Also being a bit picky,

[Elphin]

There is something strong at the heart of this - the ancient culture and its impact. For me as it stands though it is a descriptive poem but it could capture so much more. If I can be so bold can I suggest it is worth investing more time in this and try and capture the "ancient pulse" in the actual rhythm of the poem. I think you can do that by cutting out words to the bare essentials e.g. and very quickly

I became hypnotized,
rhythmic waves
human chains
surging in
swaying out
multiple arrays
nodding heads
clasping hands
wobbling tempo;
an early tune,
rarely heard.

Just a thought

E

[arunansu]

Thanks Elphin, I liked your suggestion. I will be re-writing the piece soon.
Regards,
-Arunansu