the patter of tiny feet

[oranggunung]

I ♥ my dog,
I ♠ my cat;
now I’ve got puppies -
fancy that!

[Cryptic Cadence]

i love my dog
i hate my cat
now i got puppies
fancy that



in a 4 lined poem, u gotta admit, that does make people wonder...

[ioansant]

Aftr reading this I fancy we should have a section headed,

Really Short Stuff That are More Basic than Even Haikus
or
Things Anyone Can Write
or
Things Children Could Write But Only Write Better.
or
Words Splattered With An Unknown Alphabet
or
Junk That's Not Poetry

Uhm I realise I've failed the positive aspect of the critique. Doesn't stuff like this bring the site down a few levels? I mean crawl-engines regurgitate this stuff for the general public to see. Why! If we don't watch it anyone could start being a poet. And we may end up with poems like:

gaga
booboo
dadaa
fart
burp
plop.



Regards

Ioan

[beautifulloser]

Ha Ha - Ioan, man. I dunno what to say, it's an entertaining post.

Can someone clarify for me what poetry is? What's the difference between poetry and a lyric? How long should a song be? Is Cage an avant garde nob head for writing several minutes of music full of rests, it's still music . . . of the scored and documented variety.

Is sarcasm the lowest form of wit?

Do we need a form section labelled - "Serious Stuff For Serious People"?

Do I ask too many questions?

It's all subjective - Og, I love the cheek of it, nice one.

[ioansant]

Amusing, I got nutting agianst amusing. I suppose if my post contravene any rules the admins will graciously point them out to me and I will do my best to conform. I mean this is a critique of the poet's work. If he doesn't like what I say he will come back at me and I will have to accept it on the chin.

Ioan

[juliadebeauvoir]

I would say that with 404 posts behind Og's belt and the insightful critiques offered up on a consistant basis-- that he is entitled to a bit of fun. You won't get any harrassing from me og. Thought it was pretty funny.

Kim

[Sandbanx]

i love my dog
i hate my cat
now i got puppies
fancy that



in a 4 lined poem, u gotta admit, that does make people wonder...

I think the correct translation would be `I spayed my cat`.....

However, if you took out the second and last lines, this poem would be much clearer

I loved my dog
Now I got puppies!
(So sue me...
You aren`t going on Springer, and I (we) are.....)

gaga
booboo
dadaa


fart
burp
plop.

This actually is not bad, but you`ve gone from infant to geriatric in one leap, without even a tip of the cap to the juvenile, teen, twenty-thirty summits.... or the middle ages. A few more verses shoved in the middle there and this could be very cool.

[kozmikdave]

An I thought it was

I love my dog
I dig my cat

but spayed is much better.

symbolic ambiguity. Good one!

[David]

I thought it was I buried my cat.

Not a bad array of differing interpretations for a four-liner, og!

(I think Sandbanx must be right - brilliant interpretation there, and almost certainly the right one.)

[barrie]

I thought it was - I played cards with my dog and cat and won some puppies.

[oranggunung]

It’s interesting to see the response to this and its interpretation. It was intended as a bit of fun, but it might have been rather flippant.

I was moved to post it after I saw “Shakespeare with smilies” by David. I was struck by the “symbolic ambiguity” (to quote Koz) of potential substitutions within that piece. If three different poets from the site had been asked to decorate the same text with smilies, I doubt their results would have been the same. It looks like the ♠ symbol caused some confusion here - such is the richness of language.

I think the correct translation would be `I spayed my cat`.....

Sandbanx identified the correct interpretation, or the one I had in mind, at least.


I wonder if some people considered this poem to be making fun of them. That wasn’t the intention, and I apologise if it upset any of the readers. As I mentioned at the beginning, having read “Shakespeare with smilies”, I was interested in the use of hieroglyphs rather than alphanumeric characters. There are several examples of this out in cyberspace, if not published in books or magazines. Admittedly I wrote this many years ago (that's why I put it in beginners), but I believe it’s original. The brevity and simplicity still appeals to me, and (perhaps sadly) I still find it amusing. Then again, some people are just too easy to please.

Doesn't stuff like this bring the site down a few levels?

If this poem is considered a liability to the site I have no problem with it being removed, but I’ll leave such decisions in the hands of the moderators.


og

[barrie]

Doesn't stuff like this bring the site down a few levels?

Why on earth should it? It's in beginners, and it's obviously a bit of fun - Then again, I suppose it depends on just how high up the critic believes his/herself to be.

[Cryptic Cadence]

After reading ionsant's last few posts, I am much inclined to believe he is someone like Shakespeare's failed mentor...or someone just learning poetry, there ain't many rules in poetry mate, critiquing things as if they need to conform to rules is failing to understand what poetry really is. Stay in the beginner's section a while. Whether you can write brilliant stuff or not doesn't matter if you fail to understand poetry is about communicating across an idea, a feeling, a circumstance, etc, there are no stringent rules, considering this is a contemporary forum, contemporary is as what the we in the modern day want poetry to be.

Blah.

[dogofdiogenes]

Well, I had fun reading it....sometimes I think real respect means being able to laugh along with something

depewtydog

[Elphin]

Og

Wonderful piece of fun - nothing wrong with that at all

Elphin

[beautifulloser]

if my post contravene any rules the admins will graciously point them out to me

Ioan, sod them - revolution! Quick, grab your beret . . . .

Come off the back foot man, I aint hittin' on you Westwood style, player. I just said your post was funny - funnier than the poem.

Don't take any notice of the admins, they're all a pretentious bunch of bankers. Have you seen the link to the Amazon store, I mean, the cheek of it! Pah! That Nicola bird and Cameron fella are nothing but a bunch of dirty capalists, mark my words . . .

And the poetry is rubbish - I mean . . . . . . I'm writing to my MP about it, he'll do something, won't he? That's what their supposed to do, or so I've been told. Is that right? Are you one? Can I write to you? Please? Am I Freaking you out? I thought we were friends?

I hoped this thread might degenerate into mindless thought poo, personally. But during my absense, people seemed to have got serious on your arse there Mr Ogmeister

Sorry Og, I mean what can I say - whoooppee-bloody-do! Thank you're lucky stars you did the procedure, you might have the world's first kippy or a putten. It's the musical equivalent of farting through a flute! Haha! Og, I am just joking mate, but the poem's crap

I think we should have at least one of these a week as a sanity check, personally.

Ah, Baz, you've said it all but more diplomatically.

So I might as well wrap this up. As regards everything else, might I just say one thing, and that is fart.

I bid you farewell, now do some useful stuff with your time on here otherwise I'm going to post mindless shit on this thread for everyone who replies! You've been warned . . .