Celestial Love

[ioansant]

Dear Cryptic

Celestial Love

[barrie]

p.s. I hope you are not another Dave or Barrie, dread the thought.

And what's that supposed to mean? If you've anything to say, say it! I'd like to know what I'm guilty of.
If you've got some sort of axe to grind then PM me, don't use threads to make snide comments.

[Cryptic Cadence]

Dear Cryptic

Celestial Love

It happened upon a waning moon
withered sentiment turned sepia.
A fall of ravens & thine eyes reflected dark holt.
Yonder came one, the sinister, chapé, the dexter stole the colour of thy love, Gules.

I remember us, danced with Zephyr, as he galloped across the Champs-Elysées,
but thou chose him of Sable, not true shield mantled gold...
...There is nothing like rum now, for drowning them in, and
as the celestial shine ebbs away, I await another coon's age for Sepia.

Welcome to the forum, you asked for a thought on this poem. I did not recognise any form in the poem, or type of poem other than it is irregular and doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t verse either in my estimation although it could be labelled as a parody. Personally, I think you are either very brave or exceedingly foolish to post a parody for your first post in a forum such as this. The main things that annoy here are:

1. Spelling errors
2. Poor grammar
3. Posting a poem before the 2 obligatory critiques
4. Archaic language or /and form
5. Not knowing when people are using pseudonyms
6. Using bad language or ad hominems

I didn’t like the use of coon, it cannot be a place name or a person as that would entail the use of capital letters. So it is limited to an abbreviation of the American mammal or it is an ethnic slur. If it is intended to mean ‘black’, then that too would come under ethnic slur and may get the forum into trouble and the site provider, even the internet has rules.

After reading all the posts from the members I think you have been thrashed sufficiently but it’s hard not to comment negatively.. I think it’s a parody by one of the mods. using a pseudonym to show me how horrible trashy an archaic poems can really be and how it gets up the member’s noses. An ordinary poet would need an archaic dictionary to be able to understand it, but that alone does not make it bad. But to deliberately obscure is horrible.

In fact it is not a poem at all, it’s not even good prose, it is an experiment in using archaic heraldry terms such as: holt for wood, dexter for situated on the right as in heraldic arms and custom or an omen, chappe for scabbard or the metal mounting of a scabbard, Zyphyr for the west wind or breeze or light weight clothing you spelt it wrong, it is Zephyr. Gules for red or mars, using a capital letter for a name makes it more confusing again. It’s an exercise in confusion, it’s not a love poem, it’s not something to enthuse about as we cannot work it out. It has bad grammar, bad spelling, wrong use of words, confusing use of words, and worse of all uses coon for blue moon. This jars the reader out of any pity he may have felt for the writer, to use almost every word in archaic heraldry terms and then add an American slang word is worse than shocking it’s illegal in the UK, i.e. it’s racist.

I wish oh how I wish I could say something nice about the poem, I wish I could see a grand theme or a love story, or some valid moral that we could benefit from. In this it is no worse than the light-hearted modern crap we see on poetry forums these days.

I am apt to use archaic words myself in my work, because I love the ring to them and the complement the story so well at times. I tend to limit how many I use in a poem so as not to confuse. You on the other hand love to go to the greatest lengths to confuse. Digging into the deepest archaic sites then spelling the word wrongly and using them in a tenuous way.

Anyway I could rant for hours and enough has been said, I am sorry I have to write all this but I have to get my crits. in. I don’t bear you any personal animosity at all; I hope however, you don’t post any more like this.

Regards

IoanSant (Saint Ioan)

p.s. I hope you are not another Dave or Barrie, dread the thought.

Your disregard for archaic forms of English is not my problem. I don't frankly care if you are annoyed with an early English form you have difficulty understanding it. Digging into archaic sites? It sounds like you have been digging into archaic sites to try and understand the poem. Furthermore your ignorance is shone brightly with regards to 'coon', 'coon's age' is a term for blue moon. By the way, I am a brown guy, so don't further put your place in embarassment by attempting to bring up racial connotations in the poem. And you thought the poem was a parody? You gotta be kidding mate, it was something personal for me, which some of you acknowledged to some extent and moved on, but you went beyond ridiculous, from old archaic forms you have difficulty understanding (and then attempting to nail it on me saying I am digging up terms from websites) and then warning me of racism, and now parodies. Get off the crack and waddle elsewhere. And to think you exalted yourself thinking you are apt at using archaic words. You are probably rather clueless.

Me posting a poem before reviewing has nothing to do with the poem itself.
There aren't any spelling errors now, if there were earlier, I think I corrected them before you came into it.
There is nothing wrong with the grammar, it's not a contemporary poem, so stop thinking in that. (A great user of archaic words should know this)
Using bad language? Have you learnt in english or some other language from a far distant galaxy, because there is no bad language in there.


Your subsequent rants that may come later is void.

[Cryptic Cadence]

p.s. I hope you are not another Dave or Barrie, dread the thought.

And what's that supposed to mean? If you've anything to say, say it! I'd like to know what I'm guilty of.
If you've got some sort of axe to grind then PM me, don't use threads to make snide comments.

Don't take him seriously mate.

[ioansant]

Ok,
My appologies to Barrie, I won't joke about the names Dave or Barrie again.

regards

Ioan

[Cryptic Cadence]

Well now that you've changed tune a bit since you get where I was coming from...

coon's age was a popular term to mean something along the lines of blue moon. If you had actually read my own commentary on my poem you would have noticed I specifically said what it meant.

http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&q ... arch&meta=

The wonders of Google

Though I will admit, I've mixed a lot of words from their various times in history, but that wouldn't stop anyone from really understanding it in the modern day, because it's not like we live in the 1500's and claim we don't understand certain things.

[David]

Are we not men? We are Davids!

[dogofdiogenes]

Hi CC,

I don't have time for a more detailed response as I'm supposed to be off out-(sorry, no reflection upon your work)-so, from a quick glance:

why don't you attempt a writing of your idea in contempo-speak, just to have a play? (If you're offended by that, ask me to write something in a way I don't enjoy) the power of your work doesn't have to be lost necessarily. Faith for those with belief is contemporary too, not archaic. If God is everywhere, he's/she's in the mundane too.
Would there be a ritualistic approach to love, too, maybe sacramental? The rituals vary, but the meaning remains the same and it could be another way of expressing those feelings in a more modern way.
Have to dash, my swain is swooning

dog

[dogofdiogenes]

no, I am not a man. I am a bitch..didn't quite came out as I'd hoped........I'm gone

[Cryptic Cadence]

Hi CC,

I don't have time for a more detailed response as I'm supposed to be off out-(sorry, no reflection upon your work)-so, from a quick glance:

why don't you attempt a writing of your idea in contempo-speak, just to have a play? (If you're offended by that, ask me to write something in a way I don't enjoy) the power of your work doesn't have to be lost necessarily. Faith for those with belief is contemporary too, not archaic. If God is everywhere, he's/she's in the mundane too.
Would there be a ritualistic approach to love, too, maybe sacramental? The rituals vary, but the meaning remains the same and it could be another way of expressing those feelings in a more modern way.
Have to dash, my swain is swooning

dog

Nah I'm not offended, I have thought of it before, and perhaps will try it eventually.

Cheers