Most Men Pretend To Die

[gakbu]

Most Men Pretend To Die

Most men pretend to die to soothe their pride:
And they roll'd beneath the mist with bayonets
At the ready and on the grass they're now bits;
Oh, to easy to believe with funerals so near.
Yet there's Harry there and Patrick and More,
They're fighting on the pitch like titans of old,
But crippled and frightened I have been told
That they were when shells did fall on them.
And still they roll'd on their beds during nights,
As most men pretend to die to soothe their pride.

Most men pretend to die to soothe their pride,
Or their other lusts; and do these cattle really
Believe that they deserve death, when clearly
They have not fought enough yet to be dead.
Yet we read their names in the papers, in grave
Fonts, blacker than their ousted wasted lives;
Their names herded there on the thick lines,
Chunked up,- so terribly similar to their drunk
Flesh massed beneath the mist readily dead,
As most men pretend to die to soothe their pride.

Most men pretend to die to soothe their pride
And if I was their mother I would not dare
Give them mother love when they're bare
On the hard mattresses of their hospitals.
Why be so stupid my brothers now speak I,
To bathe in such a lonely lake, lost and found
By unmotherly hands of nurses, and the cold
Faces staring at you before your sad deaths,-
And still beneath the mist the tombs pile up
As most men pretend to die to soothe their pride.

[Kilravluis]

'Most men pretend to die to soothe their pride' - ? I don't follow the logic of this. You also say 'on the grass they're now bits' - are they pretending to be in bits? Sounds like they're really dead to me. No pretending there.

Kilravioli

[doves]

i do;nt understand the sentiments of the opening line,i would look again at this conceptually,how can ayone pretend to die?

[gakbu]

Thank you both for your comments, much appreciated. What I mean by "most men pretend to die to soothe their pride" is that many men go to war foolishly and without enough thought, they go to war because of their pride, their death as such can not be considered as an honourable one. No, they're not pretending to be "bits on the grass", they are that as a result of war.

[kozmikdave]

Gidday Gakbu

This has a reasonable rhythm, mostly and at times rhymes, but I have not been able to unlock your rhyme-scheme. Were you trying to make it rhyme consistently of are the existing couplets a matter of chance?

The theme is rather contentious in that men and women did go to war with the realization that death was a very real possibility. I would rather live in a peaceful world with no war but the soldiers who find themselves in the firing line have very little say in whether they fight or not. My parent's generation believed they were fighting for a just cause due to media and social pressure and general belief that the politicians knew what was right. We laugh now. Death was no pretence for them.

The poem needs a lot more work to make it flow. You should perhaps read it out loud a few times and make sure there are commas where your voice pauses. Some of the images are a bit naive for my taste

Most men pretend to die to soothe their pride: [would go to war be better?]
And they roll'd beneath the mist with bayonets
At the ready and on the grass they're now bits; [this doesn't scan well]
Oh, to easy to believe with funerals so near. [do you mean "too"?]
Yet there's Harry there and Patrick and More, [more?]
They're fighting on the pitch like titans of old,
But crippled and frightened I have been told [a pause after "frightened"]
That they were when shells did fall on them. [fell?]
And still they roll'd on their beds during nights, [I don't get this line]
As most men pretend to die to soothe their pride.

Most men pretend to die to soothe their pride,
Or their other lusts; and do these cattle really [what other lusts? Are we talking the 7 big ones here? Unexplained, "cattle" is a bit harsh.]
Believe that they deserve death, when clearly
They have not fought enough yet to be dead. [these are perplexing lines. Please don't read this to your Gran.]
Yet we read their names in the papers, in grave
Fonts, blacker than their ousted wasted lives;
Their names herded there on the thick lines,
Chunked up,- so terribly similar to their drunk
Flesh massed beneath the mist readily dead,
As most men pretend to die to soothe their pride.

I could go on!

Seems like there's a lot of anger here directed at the cannon fodder rather than the politicians, the armaments companies and the top brass. Your view is legitimate but I just disagree with it on a personal level. I suggest you clarify some of the thoughts expressed. It will make reading it much simpler.