Trade (BEGIN)

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
Post Reply
arunansu
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2873
Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:01 pm
Location: INDIA
Contact:

Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:07 pm

Stolen corpses dragged
from cemeteries, morgues, funeral

pyres, half a dozen hands
used to shepherd the bones
through stages of de-fleshing

drying. Whole price:
a dollar forty five
for secret dealers--

they wire pieces together,
paint on medical diagrams,
saw away sections on skulls.

One day,
I received the cold body of
my youngest son, 15 years . . .

I saw death the first time, and

the day after,
law keepers gathered the following details
about me.

name: so and so.
age: around 50 years.
cause of death : unknown so far.
occupation : keeper of the village cemetery.

Now my eldest son
works in my place.
Last edited by arunansu on Sat Apr 26, 2008 4:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
davelord
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 10:07 pm

Thu Apr 24, 2008 7:24 pm

I don't know why no-one has commented on this. Personally I have held off because I find it very depressing. It is extremely well constructed and the images are vivid. I just don't happen to like those images - they make me too sad. I wonder if this is what other people think.
k-j
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 3004
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:37 pm
Location: Denver, CO

Sat Apr 26, 2008 1:43 pm

Clever and (natch) macabre. I might need more than two votes!
fine words butter no parsnips
Ryder
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 225
Joined: Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:35 pm

Mon Apr 28, 2008 6:05 pm

Ditto. A nice conversational tone too, which speaks directly to the reader.

Ryder.
Post Reply