Field of Dreams

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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User avatar
Fenris
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:39 pm
Location: this side of somewhere

Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:06 am

Grass could do with mowing,
Council never do much
of a job here anymore.
Football pitch laid out
by my granddad and his pals
in halcyon days
before the Great War.
Looks a little dishevelled now;
maybe they could
save some wages
and employ a grazing cow?

That old field has seen
some action in its time.
Scored many a goal for England
there in schoolboy years,
and later on played games
with pretty girls in
nearby dressing rooms
before drinking Black Horse beer.
Aye well, times change.

Long ago an asylum stood
where corner flags now wave,
and no one thought it strange
that lunatics lived
and died there
screaming obscenities
from the touchlines.
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barrie
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 6069
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:06 pm

When you posted your first poem you were reminded of the rules of the site - to do at least two crits for each poem you post. You've now posted three poems and just two crits. If we all just posted poems and didn't make any effort to comment on anyone else's stuff, there wouldn't be much point to the site. Others have spent time commenting on your posts, please join in and give something back.
I'm locking this until you manage to catch up with your crits.

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
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