Missionary Man

[Richard WH]

inspired by todays walk down the dene, wherupon I stumbled across two people doing it doggy style on the path

Missionary Man

Saddening to see some have no shame; plummeting morals, that must be to blame
You wouldn't find me debasing myself. The lefties probably sell it as sexual health
It's the youth of today but also the old. If they dont stop it now they'll catch worse than a cold
Doing it doggy style down in the dene; performing wild beasts and perverted machines
I am Missionary Man
upholder of values
for society's
my plan



Under the trees knee deep in mud, leaves stuck in hair, soiling my wood
Hidden behind dunes coated in sand, rubbing with sweat that follows my hand
Bending right over receiving a spanking, gritting my teeth with boxers round ankles
Banging my head in the back of a car in a field full of cows whilst fumbling a bra
I am Missionary Man
the respectful thing to do
if I get the chance
and can

[wabbit]

Ha Ha brilliant

Left me smiling

The only thing I would change somehow is the

Bending right over receiving a spanking, gritting my teeth with boxers round ankles


I kinda came to a halt on that line as was expecting a rhyme like the rest but there wasnt one.

But good one


Just noticed that this line is the same, would work better for me if it rhymed

Under the trees knee deep in mud, leaves stuck in hair, soiling my wood

Still good one though

W

[TDF]

Hi Richard,

An amusing read this, with a few clever bits for good measure.
I find the structure and flow interesting, I was thinking it would make a pretty fun set of song lyrics. The shorter lines certainly caught me like a chorus.
I did find a few of the longer lines a little cumbersome to the flow. "the lefties" line is an example. A beat or two too many?
Some nice puns in there too, including the title, especially the "soiling my wood" line. They give it a bit of depth beyond it's blatentness.

I am Missionary Man
upholder of values
for society's
my plan - I like what is being said here, but the flow was a bit odd for me. I think it's the clash of 'for' and 'my'. There seemed a conflict of meaning and a beat too many for me.

Fun idea this, and I think the writing pretty much does it justice. Although I do think it could do with a dap of polish in places.

nice one, enjoyed it!
Tom

[Elphin]

good fun richard

Remember though you are a poet - accept the Bohemian lifestyle!!!

elphin

[Milu]

inspired by todays walk down the dene, wherupon I stumbled across two people doing it doggy style on the path

Missionary Man

Saddening to see some have no shame;
plummeting morals,
that must be to blame.

You wouldn't find me debasing myself.
The lefties probably sell it
as sexual health.

It's the youth of today but also the old.
If they dont stop it now
they'll catch worse than a cold.

Doing it doggy style down in the dene;
performing wild beasts and perverted machines
I am Missionary Man
upholder of values
for society's[eh, a bit awkward. I think you can come up with something a bit better.]
my plan

Under the trees knee deep in mud,
leaves stuck in hair,
soiling my wood.

Hidden behind dunes coated in sand,
rubbing with sweat
that follows my hand.

Bending right over receiving a spanking,
gritting my teeth
with boxers round ankles.
Banging my head
in the back of a car .

In a field full of cows,
whilst fumbling a bra.
I am Missionary Man:
The respectful thing to do
if I get the chance
and can

Lol! This is really cleaver. I found the style a bit clunky, but I don't know if that's intentional or not. I messed around with it just for fun. You might consider adding a few periods for pauses, it helps to read out loud. I am not a master at grammar, but I just added a few periods where I thought pauses should be. Good Job.

[ray miller]

It's good I think and it's a pleasant change to read a poem which doesn't require the deductive powers of Sherlock Holmes. I agree with what others have said about the "chorus lines", could be better. My own small suggestion would be to omit the word wild in between performing and beasts, it's kind of superfluous, don't you think? ray

[Richard WH]

Thanks for the comments folks.
One of the reasons it sounds clunky, I suppose, is the shape of it.
It was intentionally written to take the shape of a penis (ended up as two), but not sure if anyone noticed.
To be fair, the testicles were more rounded when I wrote it but when I posted the spaces were taken away. This also happened with the main...ahem..shaft.
I edited but to no avail.
Agree though that some parts (especially the testicles) need working on

[wabbit]

Ha Ha ... very clever. Nope the penis shape went right over my head.

Well done
W

[theballbreaker]

I loved this poem. There are only so many poems that a man can take about 'enchanted hills' and 'pebbled creeks'. This poem is the most 'leftie' as I have read...

oh the Irony

[phasmatis]

haha very fun read Richard. unusual and refreshing to compare something like sexual positions. Honestly some of it strikes me as a little pretensious ("upholder of values for society's")
But it's a great poem where you don't have to agree with everything being said to enjoy it.