Some repeated words
DO, DON'T, FOLLOW
got entwined in my scruples.
Alphabets go jogging
over the belt of a treadmill,
churn out a needlecraft
of YESTERDAY and TOMORROW
”Ouch!”
I’ve caught a pebble in my shoe!
My poems lay scattered
in a crowd of MEs and YOUs.
A tapestry
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ladyteazle
- Posts: 48
- Joined: Sun Mar 02, 2008 4:15 pm
- Location: Birmingham
Your poems are always too clever for me!
I like the image:
"Alphabets go jogging
over the belt of a treadmill,"
and the use of the verb "churn" helps to support the idea of this being hard work if that is what you're after.
Is the pebble in the shoe something to do with the pedal you press on these darn sewing machines? I have never been a traditionalist in the ways of women's work...
I'm not sure I entirely understand the words you have chosen in the first stanza: DO, DON'T, FOLLOW.
Tight ending, though. Liked it.
I like the image:
"Alphabets go jogging
over the belt of a treadmill,"
and the use of the verb "churn" helps to support the idea of this being hard work if that is what you're after.
Is the pebble in the shoe something to do with the pedal you press on these darn sewing machines? I have never been a traditionalist in the ways of women's work...
I'm not sure I entirely understand the words you have chosen in the first stanza: DO, DON'T, FOLLOW.
Tight ending, though. Liked it.
"The feel of not to feel it." - Keats
Thank you for the reply, Lady.
A tapestry - its our life. Life where the alphabets form the same words, the same Yesterday, maybe the same tomorrow. Its life where we stumble( getting a pebble inside the shoes) in running over the treadmill of our machine-like lifestyle, and we search for the lost poems, that were nurtured in us, poems about You, about Me. And all this makes up our needlework. Our life. A life which is governed by Do's and Don'ts. We have to Follow whatever that comes in our way.That leads us to "A feeling of uncertainty about the fitness or correctness of an action"(scruples).
Hope this explains.
Cheers.
A tapestry - its our life. Life where the alphabets form the same words, the same Yesterday, maybe the same tomorrow. Its life where we stumble( getting a pebble inside the shoes) in running over the treadmill of our machine-like lifestyle, and we search for the lost poems, that were nurtured in us, poems about You, about Me. And all this makes up our needlework. Our life. A life which is governed by Do's and Don'ts. We have to Follow whatever that comes in our way.That leads us to "A feeling of uncertainty about the fitness or correctness of an action"(scruples).
Hope this explains.
Cheers.
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oranggunung
- Preponderant Poster
- Posts: 1393
- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:15 pm
- Location: Dublin, Ireland
Aru
I can’t help thinking this is too ambitious.
S1 starts with an interesting idea, but S2 loses focus and S3 doesn’t feel linked to either - I don’t think it’s fair to categorize the capitalized words as a theme.
In such a short poem, perhaps it would be better to concentrate on the allusions to the title:
Entwined
Treadmill (how about threadmill?)
Needlecraft
These are all promising references, but I think you got in a tangle by the end of S2.
og
I can’t help thinking this is too ambitious.
S1 starts with an interesting idea, but S2 loses focus and S3 doesn’t feel linked to either - I don’t think it’s fair to categorize the capitalized words as a theme.
In such a short poem, perhaps it would be better to concentrate on the allusions to the title:
Entwined
Treadmill (how about threadmill?)
Needlecraft
These are all promising references, but I think you got in a tangle by the end of S2.
og
Thanks Or, I hope to find a way out of the tangle soon. Thanks for your reply.