Slapping Children

[dedalus]

Some of the kids these days
could do your ruddy head in --
Me Da would have taken a swing
at them, like he used to do with me,
saying this hurts me more, son,
than it's ever going to hurt you,
which was total bollocks, in my opinion,
since I knew as well as he did
it was me Ma who'd put him up to it.

The Beano, sweets, and thruppenny bits.

Well, a box on the ears, a crack on the skull,
is a thing of the past like fish and chips,
or the black-and-white Saturday matinees;
no more casual kicks in the region of the arse
from disgruntled policemen, passing tradesmen,
and the other traditional normal enemies
of 10-year-old boys in baggy shorts.

Would you like to earn ten shillings, little man?

These days you can't slap a kid on the side of the head,
not even, you know, a kid of your own;
they'll call in the government, the social services,
and drag you away with your legs in chains
in front of the neighbours, all of whom know
that the wee little bastards deserved it.

Lurking behind the Invalid Parking
is the furtive shade of Philip Larkin:
They fuck you up your Mum and Dad
although they do not mean to ...

It's just they don't know what to do

... so in every anxious parent's heart
the sunniest weather ends up raining;
new generations -- over and over again
have no such thing as parent training.

[Milu]

Ironically, I was reminded of Larkin in terms of style before you mentioned him. I think most of the poem is pretty strong, but the ending was a bit weak for me. I usually favor a bit more ambiguity, but the way you did it came off a bit heavy handed (this is just my personal preference maybe). The line I liked best was:

"they'll call in the government, the social services,
and drag you away with your legs in chains
in front of the neighbours, all of whom know
that the wee little bastards deserved it."


I like the blunt, candid attitude of the piece. You are also good with imagery;I like that you show instead of tell. Thanks for sharing ^___^

[Richard WH]

I like this but it read as prose to me, not as poetry, except for the last two stanza's and they seemed a departure from the previous style

[L M Pistola]

Well, a box on the ears, a crack on the skull,
is a thing of the past like fish and chips,
or the black-and-white Saturday matinees;
no more casual kicks in the region of the arse
from disgruntled policemen, passing tradesmen,
and the other traditional normal enemies
of 10-year-old boys in baggy shorts.

Would you like to earn ten shillings, little man?

These days you can't slap a kid on the side of the head,
not even, you know, a kid of your own;
they'll call in the government, the social services,
and drag you away with your legs in chains
in front of the neighbours, all of whom know
that the wee little bastards deserved it.

Ah the good old days of proper discipline... I liked the tone of this piece but I think the two stanzas I've quoted felt the most natural to me. The first of these two stanzas seems more felt as well, as though you're longing for a time when discipline was almost a community thing. Strangely enough that first stanza feels like something remembered, as though you relish the rivalry with authority you remember having as a boy. Now you're deprived of that natural rivalry by remote, impersonal forces.
In the last couple of stanzas as the poem picks up more of a rhythm I feel like we're more told the theme than shown it.

[Richard WH]

Having read this again I've decided I like the first three stanzas but not the last two, which come across as moralising. So, for what its worth, my thought is chuck the last two stanzas out and this would strengthen it.