Dearest Grandad, you mean nothing to me.

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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keekee107
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Tue May 27, 2008 12:06 am

You lost me when the food went stale,
and your excuses stuck like watery butter.

I buried you as you remembered to forget,
sniggering venomously over circled dates.

Ten years, and your ghost stands before me,
your image as real as the words we exchange.
Last edited by keekee107 on Tue May 27, 2008 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
arunansu
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Tue May 27, 2008 9:58 am

I'm liking this Keekee. The write is simple and effective. No suggestions. :D
Elphin
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Wed May 28, 2008 3:26 pm

kk

I am kind of struggling to get a context to this one = sorry.

I like the line your excuses stuck like watery butter.

elphin
David
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Wed May 28, 2008 7:09 pm

It is quite hard to get a handle on this, keekee, although individually your lines are interesting and striking as usual. I get the impression there's an alarming back-story to this, but I could be wrong.

Cheers

David
Lake
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Wed May 28, 2008 8:35 pm

Hi Keekee,

The pair of contradictory words 'dearest' and 'nothing' in the title drew me into the reading. Though I am not so clear about the context but I feel the relationship between the speaker and Grandad is disagreeable. Thus 'dearest' sounds sarcastic and 'nothing' scornful to me. As David said the lines are interesting and striking.
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