Little ones.

[Cooper]

Little ones.

I’ve read about cities,
Looked into lives that the streets
hold and keep. I think that people,
(sufferers of romantic disbelief)
believe a magic can be found
in the stains of concrete.

When I’ve dropped,
in the centre of mess, it’s almost as if
I can feel these walls closing

in and in.

Hitting the lights can seem so appealing,
sat with a couple of stars,
alone in the dancehall dreaming.

And yes, the skin does feel smooth.
It’s ever so bright under these lights.

Held captive on the downward stair,
where everyone was coming down,
heads in hands and shoulders round.
The bass drum raining thunder sound.

[ray miller]

I like certain lines in this sufferers of romantic disbelief
the bass drum raining thunder sound is very good and the final stanza is impressive.
Problem is, other than a vague feeling of urban disillusionment, I cannot work out what it's all about. What am I missing? ray

[Sharra]

I liked the line

Looked into lives that the streets
hold and keep.

and I thought the rhythm of the last 3 stanzas was great, fitted with the idea of bass beats and dance (if I understood the meaning right).
But for me it felt like it was 2 separate poems, split at 'in and in' and I wasn't sure of the connection between the two halves.
Sharra
x

[Cooper]

Hey Sharra, thanks for your comments.. Bang on about it being set in a club and the relationship with dance (and ectasy). I hadn't intentionally gone for a 'dancy' meter though so that's a bonus! You're right about the split feeling as well..

[L M Pistola]

Hey Cooper,
I had a feeling those were ecstasy references but, even with your explanation of that aspect, the first stanza seems a little disconnected. I don't feel like its in halves, just that the first stanza seems to be about something different. Maybe you could rework the opening stanza to set the scene a little more?

[Richard WH]

In my humble opinion the first stanza is very good indeed but the rest didnt seem to follow any set pattern or rythm with either that first stanza or anything else that followed. Pehaps that was intentional but my feeling was one of disappointment after such a good opening stanza, things falling to pieces somewhat.
That wasnt in the images or words used (as I think you have a talent here) but more in the construction of lines and stanza's.
If I were to rate this poem as consistently very good all the way through I think the rest of the poem would have to read like the first stanza - not necessarily exactly the same set up but a lot closer than it stands at present
But thats just me and this opinion seems somewhat different to others beforehand.
And, while I'm at it, I took plenty of e's when I was younger and didnt have a clue this was on about that - not that I'm bothered as I like ambiguity in poems.