Remember me, for I won't forget
These memories - they've got life yet
Oh how inside I cannot cry
These tears aren't real; my emotions a lie
Remember me, it's all I have now
I cannot love, I don't know how
But still inside I feel so strong
I sometimes forget anything's wrong
Remember me for I'm still here
I'm your comfort in your fear
I'm the energy in your smile
I'm the confidence in your style
My life's well spent that's all I'll say
For I'm still with you to this day
Remember me, for I won't forget
Those memories - they've got life yet
Remember
Welcome on board ayeshy - but dont worry you dont need to be shy here.
Its always tough to make that first post so well done and thanks for doing a couple of crits first - the writers will appreciate that.
This is a nicely written and I suspect a personal piece with emotion. It has a Hallmark feel to it.
To move on from here what you will need to watch is that you dont let the rhyme dictate your poem. Its ofen a useful exercise to write free verse for a bit to get the right word selection and a feel for sounds (alliteration etc). Also read lots - see how others do it.
Anyway - welcome. This is a safe place for you to practice.
elphin
Its always tough to make that first post so well done and thanks for doing a couple of crits first - the writers will appreciate that.
This is a nicely written and I suspect a personal piece with emotion. It has a Hallmark feel to it.
To move on from here what you will need to watch is that you dont let the rhyme dictate your poem. Its ofen a useful exercise to write free verse for a bit to get the right word selection and a feel for sounds (alliteration etc). Also read lots - see how others do it.
Anyway - welcome. This is a safe place for you to practice.
elphin
Ayeshyy
I enjoyed reading your poem. As Elphin has already said this does have a personal feel about it. You have used 8 and 9 syllable lines here and a metre that is stilted by punctuation and word orientation. For a poem of this nature that works for me as I would not want to have a jolly ol jog along the lines that deal with such subject matter. The last line has an optimistic hook to it which is uplifting in the context of having traversed the preceding lines. It is also thought evoking as I find myself thinking about the relationship between the writers perspective and who the recipient could be in relation. Hope you enjoy the place.
Many thanks for the read
Danté
I enjoyed reading your poem. As Elphin has already said this does have a personal feel about it. You have used 8 and 9 syllable lines here and a metre that is stilted by punctuation and word orientation. For a poem of this nature that works for me as I would not want to have a jolly ol jog along the lines that deal with such subject matter. The last line has an optimistic hook to it which is uplifting in the context of having traversed the preceding lines. It is also thought evoking as I find myself thinking about the relationship between the writers perspective and who the recipient could be in relation. Hope you enjoy the place.
Many thanks for the read
Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
Well thank you for your positive comments
Yes this is my first post, it's actually a poem I wrote a year or so ago and yes, it is quite personal to me in a way. Back when I wrote it I wasn't even thinking about syllable lines, but I'm glad I used them now
Thanks for being so nice, I'm pretty much in love with these forums already
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Yes this is my first post, it's actually a poem I wrote a year or so ago and yes, it is quite personal to me in a way. Back when I wrote it I wasn't even thinking about syllable lines, but I'm glad I used them now Thanks for being so nice, I'm pretty much in love with these forums already
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