If It Ain't Broke

[ray miller]

We'll begin at the top,
send someone to the loft
to shed light on the dark and spooky,
to seek out the machines
that have captured our dreams
and other instruments of cruelty.
There may be photos
of girls without clothes
but even though they're naked,
we'll leave nothing intact,
we'll be ruthless, in fact,
and if it ain't broke we'll break it!

We'll dismantle the beds
where the uneasy heads
will no longer lie amending,
and we'll eradicate
anything that is straight
by putting a great big bend in.
Release the wrecking ball,
it's unprofessional
and against all we should hold sacred;
I want to take a knife
to this dying life
and if it ain't broke then break it!

Let us shatter the screens
that reflect on the scenes
where we spend our time in quarters,
and when the cops discover
the demise of Big Brother
then the camera won't have caught us.
Go ransack the clinic
of all that's within it,
if it says Do Not Shake then we'll shake it!
Let's call time on the calm
and raise a general alarm
and if it ain't broke then break it!

Trade the drugs discarded
on the local market
for the potions that disinhibit.
Spend the petty cash
on a superstore dash
through the zone marked Wine and Spirits.
When there's no money left
we'll pursue petty theft,
whatever we want we'll just take it.
If the weather is nice
we'll have drinks with ice
and if the ice ain't broke then we'll break it!

Excavate the files
where the treason trials
were dramatised and documented.
Overwhelm the shredder
with each word and letter
that was wrung from the tormented.
Start the final fire,
build a funeral pyre
just as tall as we can make it.
To the flames we'll consign
every Thou Shalt Not sign
and if it ain't broke then break it!

Shall we not run amok
before they stop the clock?
there's no points for good behaviour.
Let me be the man
who will fling the flan
in the face of this year's saviour.
As the days approach
that we fear the most
when we're cast into the snake pit,
pause a moment, reflect,
pay your last respect
and if it ain't broke then break it!

[Elphin]

I think the key to this poem is in its overall effect so rather than nit pick any word or phrase I'll just say it conveys a sense of righteous anger.

Would likely work well as a performance piece - I like the repitition of the last line.

Welcome back - your style is an asset to the board.

elph

[R. Broath]

A whirlwind of neat phrasing, Ray. I love its verve and wit and some of the images are arresting eg, ' uneasy heads will no longer lie amending' this is just great!
One small query is this,
'Shall we not run amok' I thought the 'we' of the piece already had - and with stupendous effect.
A memorable write with panache and considerable skill.

R

[El Wow!]

A great read, really enjoyed the rhyrthms

El

[mesmie]

hi

well i have no idea where my last reply went to, but, think this begs to be
read out loud, with a pint in hand too..



Mx

[ray miller]

Thank you all so much for your comments.I'm pleasantly taken aback, I thought it would be rubbished for its lack of sophistication. It was written specifically to be read out loud although I never got round to performing it on the occasion I had in mind. Righteous anger describes it well. ray

[Merlin]

Well! This is a sterling effort Ray - very very good in my humble...

And I think it is broke ....so let's fix it. ..and by that I mean what the hell are you doing posting in beginners? Seems like a shedload of experience and skill in that piece...

Nice one...

[Danté]

Nice opening peice Ray,

Very well put together, I´ve read it aloud a couple of times and enjoyed playing with the varying tonality.

I look forward to reading more

thanks

Danté

[galaxy13]

I enjoyed the read Ray , I also enjoyed the rhyming too!!

Thanks,

Galaxy

[David]

I think it's rubbish because it lacks sophistication.

Hang on, no I don't.

Very good, ray. It does sound like a very good piece of performance poetry. It reminds me of the Lord Chancellor's Song from ... something or other by Gilbert & Sullivan. I think I'll post a version of that elsewhere in this forum.

Good stuff. Skilful and fun. You probably should be posting in Experienced. Are You Experienced?

Cheers

David

[barrie]

I thought it would be rubbished for its lack of sophistication.

- I don't think poetry should be sophisticated. Sophistry is just presenting a clever argument which is false and meant to deceive.

Sophisticate -

1. To cause to become less natural, especially to make less naive and more worldly.
2. To make impure; adulterate.
3. To make more complex or inclusive; refine

You're not sophisticated and thank God for that - You should be posting in the Experienced section (along with Arbroath) - What do you say. I promise not to rubbish you for lack of sophistication, although I might do for something else.
Time for a move methinks.

Barrie

[Elphin]

Just to say Ray - there is a full house suggesting you take the plunge and post in what Merlin used to call the "Lounge".

Maybe not call it that though, it sounds sophisticated and really its more spit and sawdust.

This and the other Carol Ann Duffy piece were very good.

elph

[ray miller]

Am I Experienced? I'll say! I knew King Kong when he was just a monkey nut. I suppose I shall have to start talking posh and wearing sensible shoes. Are you allowed to rhyme in the Lounge?

[barrie]

I suppose I shall have to start talking posh

- If theh thinks thehrt gooin't start speykin' posh then al tell thi what fert do wi thi monkey nuts!

Prince Charles

[smiffey]

Hi Ray & welcome back - your unique poets voice has been missed.

My first take on this is 'Vandalism' - and my interpretation was vandalism of the NHS - but then as I read further it seemed far less specific and more of a metaphor for society's decline. However, I can't get it all to fit into that format.

I'm probably utterly wrong but that is what it conveyed to me.

What grabs me about it is that I will have to read it numerous times to understand it further.

Cheers
smiffey

[ray miller]

Hello smiffey, this was written as a consequence of the NHS mental health unit I worked in being shut down, There was a long period before the actual closure date and admissions had been stopped when we had very little to do. A lot of anger and frustration ensued!It's also an expression of my discontent with psychiatry and the wicked Planners of Mental Health Services. There were frequent refrains of why try to fix something that isn't broke and though I did more than anyone to try and keep the place open I had to turn that commonplace phrase around. I'm not really advocating vandalism of the NHS - there's a fantasy element, I guess - there are a few individuals who should spend some time in the stocks, though!
Best Wishes,Ray